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I’m not! I never will.
Unconsciously, I fight at my restraints, but my body doesn’t move. Why won’t my eyes open! The beeping sounds become too frequent. Another voice enters the room.
“I don’t know…it just started going crazy.”
“It’s okay,” a soft voice says. “I’m just going to give him something to relax.”
No! I don’t want anything…to…
I feel like I’m floating. Almost at peace. It’s been forever since I’ve felt so at ease. There’s no pain here. No sadness. Just calm.
“Hey…”
My world shifts. I’m suddenly falling. I reach out to grab at anything that will catch me, but there’s nothing there. “I was praying I’d walk in here and you would be staring back at me with those mischievous eyes. They’re always up to something. Thinking something. Craving something…”
Bridget.
Why does she sound so sad? She’s never sad.
“Why won’t you wake up? At least to tell me you hate me. Resent me for what I did. Anything that allows me to hear your voice again.”
I don’t hate you. God, I love you so damn much.
I scream her name, but there’s no sound. It’s just me falling. What happens when I stop?
“I know I keep saying this, but I’m so sorry. For us. For what happened. For everything. I would take back so many things if I could. Maybe even wish I never met you, just so I know you wouldn’t end up like this.” No. Don’t say that. You’re the best thing to ever happen to me. Don’t say that! Beeping sounds radiate in my world. They become so loud, I can no longer hear her voice. Bridget! I scream her name over and over.
“What’s happening?” There’s so much anguish in her voice. Why is she so upset? Someone help her!
“This is normal. He may be trying to wake up, but it disturbs him. It’s a good sign. But we also don’t want him to harm himself. This will help.”
No! No more! I need to wake up. I need to be with her! I’m no longer falling. It becomes dark. I fade…into…
“Jesus, you look like shit.”
I’m dreaming. I hear voices but this has to be a dream.
“Could you imagine what would happen if he knew people were seeing him in this gown?”
The voices. I know them. Ben and Levi. What’s up, assholes?
“You think he’s gonna pull through? It’s been too long.”
There’s a strange sound to Ben’s voice. He’s crying.
“Dude, fuck off, he’s going to pull through. There’s no other way this ends.”
I wish I could high-five Levi. He knows I’m no quitter. But his tone doesn’t sound convincing. Why wouldn’t I pull through? I’m fine. I’m just tired. I’ll be up soon. I’m trying. I’m trying.
“Come on dude. You can knock it off already. This whole attention thing has gone on long enough. Open your damn eyes.” Why do they sound so grim? I’m fine. I’m going to be—
Loud noises screech in my ears. I want to cover them. The beeping becomes erratic. I want to make it stop. Ben’s voice is loud. Too loud. Why is he screaming?
“Help! Someone help!”
Who needs help? Why are they screaming?
Too many voices. I can’t make out my friends anymore. Too…many…
“I’m so angry, Dad. You tell me to have faith, but how can I when God has already taken one man that I loved away. And now him. He saved me. He doesn’t deserve to die.”
I wake up to the sound of her voice. My angel.
“Honey, God works in mysterious ways. Faith gives you strength to fight for the ones who need help fighting.”
Her voice is strained. It guts me to hear her so sad. I’m right here. I’m fighting to come back to you. “I’m so scared. He needs to live. I can’t have him leave me thinking I don’t love him, because I do. The last time we saw each other, it was so ugly.”
Stop crying, Angel.
Her tears hurt worse than the pain in my chest.
Wake up, asshole. Wake the hell up.
Time doesn’t exist where I am. Just voices that come and go. The beeping lures me awake and then back into the abyss of wherever hell I’m stuck in. I attempt to open my eyes, but like every other time, they refuse to open. My frustration builds and I groan to myself. I want to wake up. I’m ready. I need to see my girl—
“Oh god, Chase?”
Her voice. It sounds closer than it’s been. Clearer.
I work harder than I ever have. Slowly, light breaks between my lids.
“Hey, hey…” The first thing I feel is warmth. She’s holding my hand. Open your goddamn eyes, I growl at myself.
“Oh, there they are.” My vision is blurry. I blink until she slowly comes into focus. Her hair is up in a messy bun. I want to lift my hand and pull it down. I love when it spills over her shoulders. “Shhh…don’t move. Hold on. I need to get a—”
