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Ares is one and a half, but he’s advanced for his age. Preacher hasn’t necessarily been the greatest father to him in a way that he doesn’t give him much attention, and with due time, I think I’ll readdress it, but for now…
I walk out from behind the curtain and toward Papa. Ares’s little arms go out as soon as his wide gray eyes land on him.
Papa chuckles, taking the little weight out of my arms as the cardinal steps up from behind, carrying a small flat of holy water.
“Ares Davis Laurent, petit-fils.”
I watch as Papa helps the cardinal work through the christening of my child. People clap and holler and congratulate me as Ares clings to the frame of my neck. I manage to quickly tell Papa that I’m leaving early, using Ares as an excuse but really knowing that it isn’t one. I’m tired, sure, but I also can’t scratch the feeling in my stomach that something is wrong. I need to get Ares out of here and home, not because I think Papa would allow anyone close enough who so much as breathes an intimidating breath our way, or because we have the highest-paid security team stationed at every single access point in the hotel, but because I know shit happens. Especially in this world.
“I’ll come with you.” Preacher’s hand is on my lower back as Jess catches up to us, carrying the Louis Vuitton diaper bag.
“You okay?” she asks, watching me carefully as I politely smile and nod at people while hastily making my way to the exit.
“No,” I whisper to her without Preacher noticing.
I turn to Preacher quickly, squeezing his hand. “Please, stay. Papa will need you here anyway and it’s—”
“—part of my duty. Yes, wife, I know what my duty is.”
I smile meekly at him, my heart heavy and my feet itchy to leave. “I’ll see you when you’re home.”
He leans in and kisses me gently. When he leans back to say goodbye, I watch as his eyes go from me to Ares and back again. My grip around my son tightens. A feral, animalistic, and probably unreasonable side of me rears to the surface.
Jess moves her body between us gently. “Let’s go. Ares looks tired.”
Jess has become like a little sister to me, or a daughter. I’ve never told her anything about Preacher and his reaction to Ares, but she’s smart. She sees it.
“Mmhmm…” Preacher turns his back on me and picks up a glass of whiskey off a serving tray as he continues back the way he came.
“Come on, Mer. You look like you’ve seen a demon.” Jess pushes through the doors, and I grasp on to Ares tighter.
His little mouth is open, his eyes closed. He looks like his father most when he’s sleeping. Most nights I watch him as he drifts off, wishing things were different. Maybe Ares was the child God gave back to me after the abortion when I was younger, or maybe not.
“Not seen… felt.”
Jess gasps, but we both don’t stop our movements. The thing I love about Jess is that she’s smart. I mean street smart. She came from nothing and had to fight to get to where she is right now, so it’s no wonder she is the way she is.
Our town car is already waiting in idle at the curb.
Our driver stands with the back door open. “Home?”
“Yes, please.”
We slide in and I place a sleeping Ares in his seat. My fingers shake with every click of his belt, and it’s not until we’re pulling away from the curb and down the street that I finally relax.
“Meraki, what’s happening? Is this about his father?” Jess asks gently from the other side of the limo.
“I felt him tonight. He was there, which means he knows about Ares.”
Jess squeezes the crystal of her necklace. She’s been trying to get me into them since she moved in. I told her no amount of pretty rocks will help me with my shit show of a life, but over time I’ve noticed pieces around the house.
“Isn’t this bad? I know you never talk about him with me, or Mira, but I just want you to know that you can.”
I trust Jess, but I can’t slow my mind down to give her the words that I know she wants, so I sit in silence. Watching the passing trees as familiar roads come into view. It takes over forty minutes to get back to the Cathedral, and once we’re pulling into the security gates and I see my team standing guard as usual with nothing looking out of place, I let out the final breath that I had been holding.
Jess carries a still sleeping Ares out of the car and up into his room as I drop my purse into the crystal bowl near the door. Kicking off my heels, I walk through the main entrance and to the kitchen. Sensor lights flicker on as I move around the house. It was a coin toss whether I was going to go with these lights. For once, I’m glad I did.
