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I had pushed her away. Not because of Emilia’s disapproval, but because I wanted Summer for real, and there was nothing scarier than that.
“We’re here, sir,” my driver said.
“Thanks, Fred.” How long had I been sitting still, staring into space, while my chauffer waited for me to get out? “You can park.”
“Will do, sir.”
I let myself out of the back of the car—I preferred it that way, and Fred knew as much—and walked up to the front of the battered apartment building. The thick glass front door was cracked. I pressed the buzzer to Summer’s second-floor apartment, but there was no answer.
“Fuck,” I muttered.
I jammed my elbow against the door, slowly, then gave one sharp shove. The door clacked open, the old lock giving way. Fuck it, I’d buy the building a new door if I had to. I’d buy the whole building for that matter, and renovate it, if it would make her more comfortable.
Anything for her.
I didn’t bother denying it to myself this time.
It was true. Anything for Summer. Anything to make her happy. To ensure her safety. To see her face again. To hold her close.
The farther up the stairs I climbed, the more blatant the truth became. The last four weeks had been torturous without her, and I didn’t want to live life like that. I didn’t want to be without her. But would she accept me into her life after the dickhead I’d been?
Fuck.
I reached her apartment door and banged on it. “Summer! Summer, are you in there?”
A door farther down the hall opened, and an elderly man shuffled into view. “What’s going on out here? Who’s making all that noise?”
“I’m looking for Summer—”
A latch clacked, and Summer’s apartment door creaked open. She peered at me through the gap. Her hair was a mess, as if she’d just woken up, but those sea-green eyes were focused.
I lost my breath for a second. Forgot where I was. Who I was. What was actually going on?
We were in the Bahamas. She was in the white dress. My hands were on her body, on her hips. My mouth on her lips.
“Matthew?” Summer blinked. “What are you doing here?”
“You didn’t answer any of my calls.”
“My phone’s on silent.”
“Can you keep it down out here!?” the old guy yelled. “Some of us are trying to enjoy our dinners.”
“You’d better come inside,” Summer said, opening the door wider. “Mr. Smyth has a bit of a bad temper. He’s the handyman.” She stepped back, and I entered her tiny, gloomy apartment.
Her sofa was worn, she had a coffee table but no TV, and a pair of curtains shouldered a single window against the wall.
“What are you doing here?” she asked again.
“I told you. You didn’t answer any of my calls.”
“Why were you calling?” Summer blinked like she couldn’t fathom why I’d want to see her.
And that hurt worse than anything. I’d made her feel so isolated from me, I’d hidden my feelings, and now she didn’t know. Maybe she didn’t want to know.
“Because I spoke to Em. She mentioned you were in trouble.”
“Ah OK,” Summer said, suddenly stiff all over. “So you’ve got Emilia’s blessing to talk to me, and now you’re here? That’s real sweet. Just leave, OK?”
“What? No. That’s not it,” I said. “Em brought the situation to my attention, but I didn’t stay away because of her. I couldn’t give a fuck what Emilia wants when it comes to us.”
“Us? There is no us.”
Shit, if I’d moved quicker, there might have been. “I’m saying that what she wanted had no pull on my decisions. I ignored you, Summer. I know that. It was wrong. But I did it because I thought it was best for both of us.”
“OK.” She shrugged. “Is that what you came here to say? That’s fine. Thanks for the cathartic moment or… I don’t know. You don’t need to worry about me. I can handle my shit. And Em is just being overly concerned.”
“So nothing’s wrong?” Still didn’t change the fact that I wanted her. Desperately. That I’d messed up.
“Not technically.” Summer inhaled, sweeping her hair back from her cheeks and tucking it behind her ears. She opened her mouth then shut it again.
“All right, but that doesn’t change what I have to say,” I said.
“Huh?”
“I’m an idiot.”
Summer frowned. “What?”
“I’m an idiot.” I drew closer to her, so close I could smell her perfume and the coconut shampoo she used. “I want you.”
Summer opened and closed her mouth again.
“I want you, and not just in the physical way, Summer. I want you in every way possible. I want to be with you. Date you. Hold you. Love you.”
She sucked in a breath, going still.
“Do you understand what I’m saying?” I took her hands. “I love you. I’m in love with you. I think I always have been, but I was too much of a dumbass to admit it to myself. These past few weeks have been absolute fucking torture without you. I’ve spent every minute of every day either thinking about you or worrying about you or… fuck, I just need you in my life. I want to make you happy.”
