AllFreeNovel
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I’d admit it was a topic I was interested in. I wouldn’t have been a year ago, and from the looks on some of the newer members’ faces, neither were they. Not yet. Maybe not ever. But the more I put myself out there, the more I wondered if I’d ever feel that way about someone again. Living for their smile and their laughter.
Delaney’s cheeks were flushed as he glanced at his cell, and I couldn’t read his expression. It wasn’t a topic that’d ever come up between us, even in our rawer moments. Sure, we’d both admitted not knowing how to go on without our spouses, but we never discussed finding real love again.
“I think it’s possible,” Harmony said. “Plenty of us have felt love for other people before our partners, and maybe even after.” She glanced at Walter, who’d remarried and divorced someone all within a year of his spouse’s death. “The feelings might’ve been different than what you felt for your life partner, but they were real all the same. I mean, none of us will ever stop loving the people we lost, but that doesn’t mean we can’t care for someone else again.”
“That’s if you put yourself out there again. I know I won’t,” a woman named Rose said. She’d been with her husband for forty years if my memory served me well.
I thought of my mother and Delaney’s father, who’d never found anyone else to share their lives with, and even still, my mother led a full life.
“I think that’s okay too,” Harmony said. “Relationships are not the end-all, be-all. People can find comfort in plenty of other things, like friendship or hobbies.”
When Delaney smiled, it felt like it was only meant for me, and warmth flooded my stomach. He was so fucking attractive and didn’t even know it.
“All good thoughts,” Judy said when the chatter died down. “Many think intimacy has to involve sex, but that’s not true. It’s more about feeling safe enough to bare yourself to someone.” She gave John a stern look. “To bare your soul, is what I mean. To flay yourself open and have someone offer you safe refuge. That’s real intimacy, and if you can find that again, hold on to it with both hands, no matter what form it comes in.”
Holy fuck. I held in a gasp as my chest screwed tight.
“I love that,” Harmony said, and several people in the group concurred.
“That’s something to aspire to,” Frank said. “Thank you.”
“So, let’s move on. Does anyone want to share any small victories?” Judy asked, but I was still stuck on her profound words. Delaney was staring at a fixed spot across the room, so maybe he was too. I felt guilty for tuning out the other group members, but I couldn’t help feeling like her words hit home in more ways than one.
“Now that Frank mentioned the dating site, I want to know if Marc has any new prospects,” John said, bringing me out of my thoughts. I nearly rolled my eyes because he was all about the salacious details.
“Maybe,” I replied in a coy tone, and Delaney stiffened. Undoubtedly, I was still moved by Judy’s description, so that might’ve explained my next confession. “There’s this guy I consider a good friend, and…that intimacy thing Judy was talking about? I think we have that—even without the physical part.”
Delaney sat rigid in his chair, much like he did the night I announced my date with a guy. So maybe he was processing again, or maybe he was pissed that I’d brought up our friendship. Hell, for all I knew, he didn’t even realize I was talking about him.
Shit. Now I was regretting bringing it up in the first place, but I hadn’t been able to discuss my feelings with anyone, not like this. What better place than this group?
“Quiet down, everyone,” Judy said in a scolding tone when there was a sidebar of whispers. “Friendships can definitely change after a tragedy, Marc. For better or worse. One or both of you might suddenly see things differently or begin realizing what truly matters in life—namely having that sort of connection with someone.”
“You’re saying you already have an emotional connection to this friend, right?” Harmony asked, and I nodded. “So what’s the problem?”
“I don’t want to ruin our friendship by bringing in other aspects, like romantic feelings or, you know, desires. That would be devastating in its own way,” I replied, my face heating as many pairs of eyes were on me. Of course, Delaney and I had already jumped to the desires part, but that wasn’t something I was willing to share. “Somehow, he’s been able to find the softer parts of me. Like he’s digging his fingers into the most bruised and barren areas of my soul and showing me there are places where I’m starting to heal.”
