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“That’s the spirit,” Aunt Sherry said as she began divvying up the pies to take home. “I just want you to have fun. And if that involves a handsome man who has a teenage son, then so be it.”
“It’s not like that,” I said, exasperated. Besides, Delaney wasn’t here to defend himself, and this conversation had already gone off the rails. “He’s a parent, first and foremost. And even if there were something between us, he wouldn’t want to uproot Grant’s life.”
“That’s noble but unfair to you,” Aunt Sherry said, reaching for the plastic wrap.
“Wouldn’t you do the same?” I asked as Mom handed Keisha a large spoon for the mashed potatoes. “Grant lost his mom, and he’s still grieving. So I’m hanging out with them and being a good friend. End of story.”
“Whatever you say.” Keisha stacked her containers and called for Jeff in the other room to round up their coats. “But I know you. When you fall, you fall hard and you’re all in.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” I barked out a laugh that sounded fake even to my own ears. “Nobody’s falling.”
But that was exactly what was happening, no matter how much I tried to deny it. My crush on him had turned into something way deeper than I’d ever anticipated. At this point, I should’ve probably pulled back, made myself scarce, but the idea of hanging out with them less had my chest aching something fierce. Besides, our Saturdays in the kitchen were coming to an end, and that would help. And hurt in equal measure.
“I pretend it’s you. Every time I do this, I pretend it’s you.”
After everyone left, I stayed behind to remove the extensions from the dining table and put the chairs back in order. I fluffed the couch pillows and picked up the empty glasses, smiling when I found Mom in the kitchen, enjoying a second helping of sweet-potato pie, her favorite.
She urged me to sit down across from her and handed me a fork so I could pick at the remnants of the apple pie wedge left in the tin. I liked the added walnuts.
Damn, the way Grant had sounded when he’d announced that. Like he’d betrayed Rebecca for changing her recipe. I wanted to hug him. But Delaney’s response was perfect. He thought his parenting barely measured up, but I wished he could see himself the way I did. Compassionate and generous, and fucking beautiful.
Jesus Christ, maybe Keisha was right.
“You can’t always pick the right timing. Some things are beyond our control. You know that,” Mom said after she’d swallowed another bite, and holy fuck, it was as if she’d been privy to my conversations with Delaney. “But if someone makes you happy, Carmen would approve.”
“I can’t…” I swallowed roughly. “It still feels surreal that we’re even having this conversation.”
She set down her fork. “Honey, she’s no longer here, no matter how protective your sister is. She’s in a better place, with your dad…we have to believe that.”
My heart ballooned with the idea of all our loved ones somehow meeting in the afterlife and offering comfort to one another.
“And if she’s looking down at us right now,” Mom continued, “she is kicking you in the ass.”
“Huh?” I nearly choked on the flaky crust. “What do you mean?”
“This coming spring, you’ll have been without her for three years,” Mom said, and I felt that same churning in my gut, but more muted now. It didn’t make me flinch as if it had just happened yesterday. Now it felt like I’d tucked the worst of the heartbreak away in a vault, and unless I opened that door, I could swallow down the truth of it without gagging. “And tonight, I finally saw you smiling.”
“What? C’mon now. I smile.”
“Not like that.” She patted my hand. “You keep to yourself. You work late hours in that shop, and I’ve been worried about how much time you spend there.”
“I love my work. It means a lot to me. That’s worth something at least.”
“It’s isolating,” she countered.
“I have Marian.” I sniffed. “And my customers.”
She sighed, likely knowing she wasn’t going to win this argument. “Just promise me you’ll keep your heart open.”
“Of course I will.” I cleaned the remnants off my fork. “I told you I went on a date with a guy.”
“Uh-huh. And he didn’t measure up to this man because you haven’t been on another one.” She arched a brow. “Does Lane feel the same about you?”
“I…dunno.” I shook my head. “Besides, it’s not my business to tell.”
“All right, I don’t want to pry. Just remember your mama is always here if you need an ear or a shoulder.”
“I know you are. You’ve been amazing.” I stacked our plates. “When Dad died, we were so young. Did you ever…?”
“I suffered in silence, mostly. So in that way, I understand Delaney.” She frowned, and my heart went out to her. “There was no grief group, not one that I knew of, anyway. That sort of thing wasn’t discussed as openly as it is now. I’m glad that’s changing. That’s a good thing. And I’m glad it’s helped you.”
