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“I want a baby, Chase. I want your baby.”
She looked at me with such love and trust, I couldn’t argue. I knew she took her counseling seriously, and if she was ready, then I was. Whatever she wanted; I’d give her. I’d find a way to give her the fucking moon if I could.
I leaned forward, kissing her as I pulled her body flush against mine. She was so soft, so sweet, and so mine. After so long going without, my dick was eager to get to the main event, but I forced him to wait, wanting to touch and taste every inch of her.
Since it had been some time, and I wasn’t sure how her body would respond, I moved down over her luscious curves, wanting to feast on her sweet pussy and make sure she’d be wet enough. I moaned as her sweet taste filled my mouth. I licked, lapped, and sucked until she was writhing beneath me and her fingers were gripping my scalp. Then she gave me the sexy sound of her coming, calling out my name as orgasm rocked through her body.
I moved up, position my aching dick at her entrance. I pulled her knee up, hooking her leg around my thigh.
“Look at me, Sara.”
Her eyes fluttered open, and that’s when I pushed in, filling her inch by slow inch. Our gazes held. My heart filled more and more, the deeper I sank, until I was deep inside her and my heart was ready to explode with emotion.
My father had been right. There was nothing more important than this. Than love.
“I love you,” she said, and I felt it deep in my core.
“I love you.” I moved, taking my time to slide in and out, wanting this moment to last forever. But the passion built, need coiled tight. She arched, her body squeezing mine like a vise and rocketing me to the stratosphere. I pumped and pumped, filling her with my seed and the promise of a family.
32
Sara
Sometimes I felt guilty for feeling happy, but then I’d think God would want me to savor the goodness in my life after such a loss. Not my parents’ God, but the one of love and mercy.
The first few weeks after losing the baby were hard, but the counselor Chase arranged for us helped. She encouraged me to go back to journaling, which I’d stopped when I moved to Manhattan. She also gave me some books on grief. Through it all, I’d come to accept that it wasn’t my fault, and that there was nothing I did, or could do to stop it.
I also learned more about Chase and how he’d never really grieved the loss of his mother, or dealt with his resentment, feeling abandoned by his father as a child. His father pushed the company as the most important thing in their lives, and Chase took on that mantel as a way to seek his father’s approval. It didn’t really describe the man I’d come to know, but Chase said his father had changed in recent months.
The counselor helped us both grieve but then also begin to heal and look forward. I could now see the light and have gratitude for what I did have. I had a husband who loved me. I had a family that I knew would always be there for me. I finally got my wish that my past was gone. Glen would be going to jail. The professor had been fired and was mired in lawsuits from other female students. On occasion, I missed my parents, or more accurately, the dream of what parents should be. But Cam Raven filled that role, for which I would be eternally grateful.
With the light, I began to live again. I went to lunch with Alex on occasion. Two of the women I’d met at our party invited me to volunteer with them at a children’s center, which I did two days a week. Chase was supportive of this, although James not only drove me but also was now acting as a bodyguard. I liked James, and I understood Chase’s fear, so I accepted that situation.
I was glad when Chase started going back to work, because I didn’t want him to get lost in me or his grief. Of course, he couldn’t quite let go. He sent his brothers and father to visit me.
When Hunter showed up, I’d been surprised, especially when he asked if I wanted to go for a walk in the park. A part of me wondered if he was concerned that I’d be afraid to go to the park after what happened. As we walked and talked, I learned that he’d had his share of trauma in the military. He didn’t tell me the details, but I could sense it was there and that it still impacted him. I appreciated that he didn’t want what happened to me to negatively impact my life. I’d told him that his support as well as the counseling helped. I hoped that maybe he’d consider counseling too.
