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TWENTY-SIX
REBECCA
I hated myself forsleeping with Julian, but my blood had pulsed so hot for him when he kissed me, right and wrong blurred in my mind. I just couldn’t help the way I responded to him, how much I wanted him.
Once the shock of the last twenty-four hours wore off, how vulnerable I felt, and how much I needed comfort, guilt took over. Sleeping with him meant I betrayed Sebastien. Giancarlo. And Anthony.
Right?
The tears had just leaked out. All my buttons had been pushed and I broke. Being shot at. Being kidnapped. Being told my men were responsible. All of that mixed with an undeniable attraction to Julian just bubbled up to the surface. When faced with a nightmare, I needed him at that moment. Only he could have made me feel better.
Then the dust had settled and I caught a look at myself naked with another man and for a moment, that’s all I saw. The betrayal.
The shower and being alone allowed me to re-group. I felt stronger. More like myself and I faced my situation with clarity. I didn’t believe, couldn’t believe after all we’d been through, Sebastien, Anthony, or Giancarlo wanted me dead.
And while my soul felt drawn to Julian, no other part of me wanted to walk away from the others. If I allowed myself to love three men, couldn’t I love...four?
No, that was crazy. Shaking my head, temples that still pounded from the drug in my system and the lack of food, I pushed away those shameful feelings. In the bathroom mirror, I wiped away the condensation to get a look at myself.
Hello, slut.
Stop it.
I got caught up. Those buried feelings for Julian had rushed to the surface. Certainly, he still felt nothing real could ever grow between us. FBI agents didn’t date mafia queens.
Hell, yeah, that was me. The queen. And if I wanted to take another damn lover...
Another... My stomach ached. Julian campaigned to make me believe my men, my lovers wanted me dead. If he thought that, he’d never agree to be part of the wonderful and sensuous lifestyle we’d given ourselves over to.
Julian’s voice sounded on the other side of the bathroom door. I froze, waiting to hear a second voice, but also prayed it was Giancarlo, who was supposed to have picked me up. Where the hell were my men?
They’re at the Warwick, Becca. In tuxes.
To get through this, I had to decide who was lying to me. Julian didn’t strike me as a man who had to lie to get me into bed. Or make me spread my legs for him since we had to share that bed anyway.
If Giancarlo, Sebastien, and Anthony got dressed up and went to the Warwick instead of looking for me... My breath stilled in my lungs.
Were they sending me a signal?
Sending the killer a signal that I was alone?
Or that we weren’t afraid. Bring it on... James Bond style.
I would deal with their betrayal, if that’s what happened, once I got this hit business out of the way.
Julian would protect me. He took an oath. The sex may have been as much of a helpless impulse for him as me. I’d let him keep protecting me, but I was in charge.
I opened the door and gave him a glare.
“I need food, Julian,” I demanded.
His eyes followed the line of my wet body behind a thin towel. “Tam?” He spoke into his phone while staring at me.
“A friend of yours?”
With his eyes back on his phone, he whispered into it, “What is it? What’s the matter?” A few moments passed and his body flushed red. Veins bulged in his neck and his breathing came up short. “It’s my, um, assistant at the bureau.”
“Right.” I strolled into the room, slow and languid. “You’re working.”
“Yes and no.” He stood there shirtless with sleep pants back on. Loose sleep pants that started to look snug. “I did this on my own, Becca. My boss doesn’t know I have you.”
“I see.” I grabbed that bottle of lotion and squirted the milky colored balm in my hands. The smell of lavender filled the room. The color of cream reminded me of Julian’s cum.
“I can arrange for you to be protected back in the city if you really want that. But I’d rather wait.” Julian’s eyes followed my fingers inching up my leg. “We’re more interested in the hit itself. The person who wants you dead broke the law. You haven’t.”
I snapped up. “Really? And would the FBI give a shit if I died?”
His face turned cold. “Maybe not them, but I would.”
A stare stretched between us as I gripped the top of the towel. Whether or not to just drop it and get dressed in front of him felt too personal. Something he hadn’t earned. We had a moment before and that moment passed. “I’d like to get dressed and then I’d like to eat.”
His cheek ticked up. Heading to the bathroom with a fresh set of clothes on his arm, he said, “Give me ten minutes, your majesty.”
*
WITH A WALL OF SILENCEbetween us, we crossed the street to reach the diner whose neon lights had been flashing through our window all night.
“Are we staying at that motel another night or are we leaving?” I perused the menu and a comforting memory washed over me. Late nights at a diner after one of Sebastien’s baseball games. Me tucked under his arm. The smell of him, fresh soap from a recent shower mixed with adrenaline from winning. Knowing we’d be in his car soon having sex. “If we’re leaving, we need to go back to that store for some luggage. I’m not traveling around with my clothes and makeup in a plastic bag.”
“Right. Why didn’t you ask me for luggage when we were there?” He stirred sugar into a chipped white mug of coffee.
Your kiss emptied all thoughts out of my head. “I didn’t think about it.”
He grabbed his phone. “Maybe we can find a local shop. A thrift store.”
“A thrift store?” I sipped my coffee.
“Too spoiled for a thrift store?”
“Spoiled? Maybe. I’m the Queen of Manhattan. I have a reputation to maintain.”
“I agree. If we were in Manhattan, I’d love to be your tail at Louis Vuitton, or Prada.”
“My tail?” My asshole throbbed at the idea he’d take me there too.
My men loved anal sex with me. Maybe all men did. Julian was certainly a strong and virile man. God, he’d made me come so hard before. What was this?
“You know what I meant,” he said, looking down at his menu.
I detected a bit of an attitude like he regretted what happened between us too. He took an oath to the FBI. I took an oath to no one. If I wanted to sleep with a Fed... I bit my lip.
“I also need to use cash from here on.”
“Cash...” Pangs of regret pelted me again for switching coats and forgetting Anthony’s wad of hundreds. Would he have given me so much money to be safe enough to disappear for a while if he really wanted me dead? Of all the men, I couldn’t believe he wanted me dead. He and his father wanted me to marry into their family.
Shit.
“What about cash?” Julian stared at me over the rim of his mug.
“Nothing.”
“I have plenty. Or were you gonna offer to chip in?” His snide tone set off something in me.
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to smack him or climb over this table... I had to get myself together. I hated feeling helpless. “Chip in?” I sat back and folded my arms. “You kidnapped me. You’re holding me against my will and—”
“Is that what I did this morning? Held you against your will?” His eyes burned hot, mentioning our morning sex.
“Not then.”
He put down his coffee. “Are we gonna talk about what happened?”
“What’s there to talk about? You wanted me, I wanted you. I’m not married. I assume you’re not.”
“No.” He leaned forward. “You’re not married, but said you were involved with three men. At the same time.”
“Right. I convinced Bastien, Anthony, and Gian to be my lovers because I wanted all three of them.” I pushed my chest forward. “And if I wanted four...”
“Whoa.” He waved his hand. “I’m not joining your tryst.”
“We’re in love. It’s more than a tryst. And I don’t recall asking you to be part of what we have. Or did you assume making me come was an invitation for more?”
“Okay.” He sat back when the waitress brought our food. The way she looked at Julian made me grateful she took my order and remembered to bring my food.
I picked up my fork and stabbed a home fry. “Okay...what?”
“Let me tell you, as a man, what I think about your three-way—”
“Four-way. Me and the three of them.” I held up four fingers. “Four. And yes, sometimes all at the same time.”
He coughed into his fist. “There’s a visual. What I wanted to say is... Anthony Messina Jr., Sebastien Daria, and Giancarlo Byrne are alphas on steroids.”
“You don’t know the half of it.” I stroked my throat.
“That alone... This idea that they’re sharing you, based on my experience as an agent and reading people, tells me they’re playing you, sweetheart. I know these men. These ruthless killers sport-fuck. They wouldn’t share you. I wouldn’t. I won’t...”
My heart pounded, listening to his passion. “Anthony said the same thing.” I bit into my omelet. With the cheese clinging to my fork, I slid my lips around it again and again, watching Julian’s jaw go nuts. “Now he loves our four-way nights the most. So you just...” Lick. “Never.” Lick. “Know.”
“I know,” he snapped without hesitation then he cocked his head to the side. “Is it all about sex?”
I put my fork down and glared at him. “No. It’s not just sex. It’s about love and loyalty. They’ve committed to me. In the bedroom and on the streets.”
“Bullshit. You’re not open about your relationship.” He had me there.
“In that regard, you’re right. I also have the right to keep whoever I’m sleeping with and in love with private.”
“That’s a fair statement.” He bit into a piece of toast, and I watched his long neck work to swallow. His Adam’s apple bobbed, the stubble on his chin making him so rugged and handsome. “But that’s not what I meant. They still work for their fathers. As far as I know, their families don’t know their crown princes have sworn to you.”
“What makes you think that?” Before he could answer, I pushed my plate aside. “Anthony Sr., Richard, and Patrick swore their loyalty to my father.”
“I doubt they were fucking.”
Now my jaw twitched, wanting to tell him about Anthony and Sebastien. “Of course not. But my alliance with their sons is stronger because they love me. Instead of fearing me the way their fathers feared my father. And my allies love fucking me.” I flicked my tongue saying the word love.
“Keep showing me that tongue, Rebecca.” Julian looked down and stabbed at his eggs. “You may not like where I ask you to put it.”
“There’s no place my tongue hasn’t been on a man. Don’t assume what I’ll like or not like.”
He balled his fist into a napkin and leaned in to whisper, “You...you lick their asses? They ask that of you and you do it? You like that?”
I smirked, watching him sweat. “When we’re behind closed doors, my men own me. I do whatever they want. They love me. I love them. And my guys love when I lick their ass.”
Julian dropped his fork and his eyes burned into mine.
“Cat got your tongue?”
He just stared at me then waved to the waitress. “I need the check over here. Now.”
I picked my fork up and kept eating. “You can pay the check. You can leave. I came here to eat. I’m finishing my breakfast.”
“Fine.” He sipped his coffee with eyes glued to me.
“And it doesn’t matter if you’re thinking about me right now rimming your asshole with my tongue because—”
“Oh, I am. And yes, it does matter.”
I pushed my plate away after chewing several bites just to make a point that if I wanted to stay and eat, I would stay. I was a queen. Yes, being shot at on the day I buried my father messed with my head. I was only goddamn human. But I was at the end of my rope. I missed my men. I craved their touch. Their warmth. And this... Julian... Sure, he was just as handsome and sexy and rocked me in bed just as good, but I didn’t need him.
“You’ll just have to beat off to the idea of me licking your ass because you’re not touching me again.”
Without missing a beat or blinking an eye, Julian said, “Wanna bet on it?”
