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“Hey, beautiful. My friend said he should be able to get an address for where those calls are coming from. It’ll take him an hour-or-so. But as soon as he gets back in touch, I’ll go there and check things out.”
“Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me yet.”
“I just appreciate all you’re doing for me and my family.”
“I’d do anything for you, Astrid.”
He sat on the bed and kissed her, feeling his affection for her grow beyond what he was comfortable with.
She caressed his cheek. “You must be relieved to know you didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Huh?”
“You know, with the drug dealer you thought you killed. It was terrible that Daniel framed you like that – I always knew there was something shady about him. But it means your conscience is off the hook. You can stop punishing yourself.”
Jake sighed. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
“And you didn’t kill his brother either. You’ve got nothing to feel guilty or bad about, Jake. It’s just an illusion that’s been holding you back all this time.”
“An illusion.”
“Yeah. None of it really existed. But you believed it did, so you were living your life as if it was true. I guess it’s the same for me too, you know? With my panic attacks. I’ve been letting my fears hold me back – telling myself I’m not capable of doing things. But what if that’s an illusion too? An incorrect belief. It’s incredibly liberating when I think about it like that. That the things holding us back usually only exist in our minds.”
He laid down next to her and she snuggled into his arms. “I’m glad you’ve realized that about yourself, Astrid. You’re definitely braver and stronger than you realized.”
S
he propped herself up on her elbow. “There’s something else though, isn’t there? Something else holding you back?”
Jake felt as if he was walking a wobbly tightrope over a fiery cavern. He didn’t want to talk about this. “You’re too perceptive for my liking.”
“You can tell me… It can’t be worse than thinking you killed someone.”
“It’s worse. Much worse.”
“Worse than killing someone?”
“It is to me.” He ran his fingers through her hair. “You know how for you, it’s the shame of your panic attacks that holds you back, right? You feel stupid… out of control. Like people will think you’re insane if you tell them?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, when you said that, I understood it’s true for me too.”
“What is?”
He shook his head. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”
“It’s okay, Jake. You can trust me. Whatever it is, I’m on your side. I promise… Did you hurt a woman? Physically, I mean.”
“No! I’d never do that.”
“Did a woman hurt you?”
He smirked. “No…”
“No, of course not. Because you never let women into your heart to hurt you.”
