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“I…” Her mouth snapped shut briefly. “I felt like I was only okay when I was with you, and I didn’t like that feeling. As good to me as you were, your family killed mine. They sold my sister like she was a dog, and I still don’t know where the hell she is. We were good for each other then, but I never wanted to get to a point where I resented you because of them. And I didn’t want us to be each other’s gods. We had a lot of healing to do, and it was scary how connected I felt to you.”
Choyce sighed and rolled his tongue over his cheek. “I understand where you’re coming from, I just hate how you went about it. Now I feel even worse knowing you were suffering and I wasn’t there for you.”
Lavender smiled as she cupped his cheek and placed a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. “I needed that. It gave me strength to regain my life. A life I was sure I’d never want to live without my family. I was in such a dark place, Choyce, and I knew you were too. It probably wasn’t fair, but I just didn’t want our darkness to be what bound us together.”
“How do you feel now?” he asked, pushing her hair off her shoulders to get a full view of her beautiful face. “I’m not associated with my father’s side of the family anymore, but I am who I am. How are you able to sit here with me now, wanting me, and not blame me for my family’s mistakes?”
Sighing, Lavender stood. She walked over to the window and looked out toward the lake.
“That was why I stayed away for so long too,” she confessed. “I just now feel strong enough to look at you and not have flashbacks of that night. You saved my life, Choyce. I could never blame you for any of what happened. I may have wanted to end it temporarily, but it was with the wrong intention. I didn’t want to stop living; I just wanted the pain to stop.”
“And now?” he asked as he stood, resisting the urge to walk over to her and wrap his arms around her. “Is the pain really gone?”
She nodded but didn’t answer him vocally. Lavender was lying. There was more that she wasn’t telling him, but he wouldn’t press her for it. The truth always came out when it was time. Now, Choyce was wise enough to trust his gut and determine what was real and what wasn’t. Lavender may have been hiding her true feelings about something, but it wasn’t how she felt about him.
“I wrote Ms. Rema last week to make sure she stayed here still,” Lavender confessed, changing the subject. “I felt like it would be fairly easy to find you, but I wanted her help so I could surprise you. When she called me, I was so happy and even happier to learn she still lived here.”
“Yeah. A lot of my mom’s family lives in the same subdivision as me. We had it built about three years ago, but she refuses to leave. I’m glad she stayed now.” When she turned to face him, Choyce asked, “How long do we have?”
“I took off for the week.”
He nodded, sauntering over to her. Her eyes took in his frame. It felt good knowing she was just as affected by the sight of him as he was by the sight of her. Just as she’d changed, Choyce had too. Aside from the grown man weight and older features, his energy had changed. However, being here with her made him feel like that eighteen-year-old boy all over again.
“There’s something you’re not telling me, but I trust that you will in due time.”
Her head shook in defiance as her mouth went slack.
“Choyce…”
“You will tell me in due time,” he ordered instead of requesting, to which she sighed and bobbed her head once. Truthfully, there was something Choyce had to tell her too—but not until he was sure she was ready. “Where are you staying?”
“The Peabody.”
“Let me get some things together for our evening, then I want you to meet me at six. Is that cool?”
“Yes,” she agreed, cheeks lifting as she smiled. Lavender walked over to the nightstand and grabbed her phone.
As he locked his number in, his heart began to palpitate. Choyce had one week to make up for ten years. Though he was confident he’d be able to provide enough pleasure and peace for Lavender to never want to leave, the fear of how their truths would cause the other to react cautioned him not to give his all.
When it came to Lavender, that was a hell of a lot easier said than done. She was the only woman he’d allowed himself to be open and vulnerable with. The first woman to have his dick and his heart. Though he promised his heart that he would go slow, speed was proving to be like time when it came to Lavender—neither mattered in the space where their love would exist.
