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20
Maggie
I managed to avoid thinking about Cal for three days.
On Friday, I was packing for Fern and me because we were heading back to Cincinnati for the weekend. One of Mom’s friends was having a big Christmas party, the same way she did every year, and just like every other year, Fern and I had been invited. I didn’t really have a social life so even though most of the people at the party would be my parents’ friends, or their grown-up kids that I didn’t know very well, I figured it was always good for me to go. Fern could actually come to, and she always had fun with all the adults fawning over her, the huge table of treats, and the other grandkids that came to play.
Besides, since thanks to Cal I was staying away from my parents all the time, I figured visiting when I could and letting them see Fern was the least that I could do.
Speaking of Cal, I was completely at a loss.
Hopefully getting out of town would clear my head a bit, because for the past few days it had felt like I was drowning, only not in the panicking kind of way that I should’ve felt. It was more like I’d been smacked in the face with a dozen roses.
That analogy didn’t even make sense, but then, none of this did.
Back when I’d been younger, I had been in love with Cal. Call it puppy love, call it ridiculous, call it whatever you wanted, but my feelings had been genuine. I had been completely enamored with him. And that had been back when he hadn’t been giving me his full attention, when I was just his best friend’s daughter, the person he would chat with when he came over for dinner because, well, that was the polite thing to do.
Now that I was actually getting his full attention I had no clue what to do with myself. He was charming, thoughtful, artistic, everything that I had always known he was only now I was seeing it up close instead of from a distance and I knew there was only so long that I could resist. There was no way that I could really survive the full frontal attack that was Cal giving me all of his attention and personality. And what was I supposed to do with that? My heart was screaming yes, yes, yes, but my brain was still terribly unsure. Could I really risk my daughter, and my safe little bubble, for Cal?
I was muttering to myself about it like a madwoman all while I packed and loaded the car. There wasn’t a whole lot that we needed for the weekend, really. My parents had us over enough that most of the sort of things I needed, especially for Fern, were already at their house. But Fern needed a lot to keep her entertained on the long car drive, and she couldn’t sleep without at least some of her army of stuffed animals, so that took up a lot of room.
“Mama!” I turned to find Fern trying to drag a bag towards the car. “Lemme help!”
Ugh, my daughter was the best kid in the world. I knew that all parents thought that, of course, but there wasn’t anything anyone could do to change my mind about it. I loved her to distraction.
“Thank you baby, but let me get that, okay?” I started to walk towards her, when another voice said, “Don’t worry, I’ve got it.”
It was Cal, walking over from across the street. He picked the bag up from Fern and brought it over. “Where are you guys headed?”
“To Grandma and Grandpa’s!” Fern said. “For a party!”
“Sounds like fun.” Cal loaded the bag into the car. “I love parties.”
I couldn’t help but smile a bit to myself, remembering all the gallery openings that Cal had done while I was growing up and how he would always go out to parties. My dad was a lot quieter and more introverted than Cal, and he was always jokingly making fun of Cal for dragging him out places. When I’d been daydreaming about being with Cal, I had imagined Cal dragging me along instead of my dad, showing me off as his date.
“You can come!” Fern announced, sounding overjoyed just at the prospect. “You’ll have fun too! They have so many cookies and we do a big sing!”
“Ah…” I hated to ruin my daughter’s plans and dreams, but… “You can’t just invite someone along to someone else’s party without permission.”
“Please?” Fern begged, pouting and drawing the word out, stretching it like a rubber band.
I shook my head. To my surprise, Cal said, “Your mom’s right, Fern. It’s not our party, it’s someone else’s, so they get to choose who can come or not.”
Fern still looked unhappy, but she let Cal settle her into the car. I explained to Cal about the party once Fern was distracted. “I wish you’d told me you were going away,” Cal said. He didn’t sound angry, just disappointed, and I felt like an asshole for trying to sneak away.
