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‘We’re going to follow the caravan how about the lobster, dearest? I thought you loved lobster.’
‘What?’ I stared at him, uncomprehending. ‘We’re going to follow a lobster through the desert?’
‘Or the oysters,’ Mr Ambrose continued, kicking me under the table. His eyes darted to the left, and only then I noticed the waiter who was walking past close by, a tray of caviar in his hand. He was well within hearing distance.
‘Um… well, yes, I do like lobster. So much. At home, I eat lobster all the time, as you know. Breakfast, dinner, supper, - always lobster for me. Yummy! Lobster tastes so…’
Another kick hit my shin.
I glared at him. All right, maybe I had slightly overdone it, but that was no reason for domestic abuse!
‘I like oysters, too. But tonight I would prefer something less slippery. What about you, Dick?’
Ha! Now the ball is back in his court! Let’s see what he does with it…
‘I think that I’ll have crab puffs with chives for starters,’ Mr Ambrose invented, effortlessly. ‘And after that, maybe a route from Damietta southwards until we reach Ras Sedr.’
‘Excuse me?’
Mr Ambrose gave me a look. One of those looks that said he knew perfectly well his intelligence was infinitely superior to mine, but did I have to demonstrate it all the time?
‘I said, we’re going to follow the caravan route from Damietta southwards until we reach Ras Sedr.’
Oh. Of course. The waiter was out of hearing range again.
‘What in God’s name is Ras… whatsit?
‘Ras Sedr. An ancient desert town at the end of the Gulf of Suez.’
My head started to whirl from all the names. ‘What’s the Gulf of…?’
I bit my tongue.
No! You’re not going to ask this time! You’re going to find out by yourself!
Pulling myself together, I stared down at the map. There it was! The Gulf of Suez. It was a little patch of ocean: where the Red Sea met the southern tip of the triangle of land that was the Sinai Peninsula, the sea split in two, creating the Gulf of Suez in the west, and some other gulfy Gulf in the east. And there, right at the end of the Gulf of Suez, was the town of Ras Sedr, just as Mr Ambrose had said.
I traced a one of the dotted lines down from Damietta southwards to the other city. It seemed to be pretty much the shortest route.
‘How long do you think it will take us to find someone who knows where the ban
dits are? When do you think we’ll be able to leave?’
‘That is difficult to say. Anything from the lobster is really delicious, darling! I tried it when I was last here, and I tell you, it was food fit for the gods!’
‘Wha-? Ouch! Oh!’
I didn’t need the kick on the shin this time to realize what was going on. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw our waiter, returned to take our orders, approach the table.
‘Have you decided yet, Sir, Madam?’
‘I, um… I…’ Hurriedly, I tried to cover up the map with my elbow. But it was too bloody big! In desperation, my eyes flitted across the pages of the menu, looking for something to order. ‘I, um… would like the potato salad, please, and a robbery on toast.’
Deathly silence descended over the table. My words echoed in my own ears, slowly sinking in.
‘Caviar! Caviar on toast, I mean! Not the other stuff I said! That would be ridiculous, right? Ahahahah! Caviar. That’s all. Caviar on toast, please!’
More silence. Slowly, I dared to look up. The waiter stared at me as if I had grown a second head. A green one, with horns. And as for Mr Ambrose… I did not even want to look around to see how he was looking at me.
