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Only… now I was.

His mouth moved away from mine, over my cheek and my chin, down to my throat. Wherever it went, it left burning brands of bloody unfeminist desire!

‘I want you!’ he growled out of the darkness.

‘I want you, too!’ I heard some female with a confoundedly weak and breathy voice whisper. Bloody hell! That couldn’t have been me, could it?

Keep calm. It’s all right. Remember: you’re only pretending. This is all part of your job!

Oh, right. I had nearly forgotten that.

Mr Ambrose’s mouth found the little hollow at the base of my throat, and he groaned as he reached it. ‘You’re so…God! I want you now!’

‘Then stop wasting time! Knowledge is power is time is money, remember?’ Grabbing the next two buttons, I fumbled, trying to get them open - and when they wouldn’t open, just ripped them off! ‘Show me your power! Go ahead!’

In a thin beam of moonlight, I briefly saw his eyes. They were burning with cold fire. Uttering a sound that no man, only beasts, should be able to make, he claimed my mouth again, and his hands went to claim the rest of me.

No! That’s going too far! I shouldn’t…! Should I…? No! No… no… n…… Y-yes… Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yeeees!

My hands slid up towards him and met with the unwelcome barrier of his shirt. Scowling, I gripped it at the placket.

He’s not going to like this much, you know. He’s going to make you pay for having the buttons stitched back on.

Oh, to hell with the buttons! I got a good grip and, with one tug, ripped his shirt open, surging towards him!

That was the moment when the wall exploded.

Explosions and Abductions

Just to be clear: I’m not speaking in metaphors. I don’t mean that an emotional wall between Mr Ambrose and me exploded and we were suddenly free to engage in unbridled lust. (Because that had, of course, already happened five minutes ago.) No, I mean that the wall literally exploded.

Which wall, you want to know?

To be honest, I’m not entirely sure. It’s not very easy to register such things when you’re thrown through the air by the force of a terrific blast. One moment, Mr Ambrose and I were clenched in a passionate (though, of course, fake!) embrace on the bed, the next we were hurled with passionate force against the nearest wall that was still standing, the bed raining down in splinters around us.

I hadn’t even started to figure out which way was up and which was down when the first gunshot exploded through the night. Through the hole in the wall, I could see flashes from outside, and with a thud, something hard buried itself in the wall next to my head.

‘Down!’ Apparently, Mr Ambrose was quicker than me at figuring out the up-and-down thing. He knew which was which, and proceeded to demonstrate it to me by throwing himself on top of me and slamming me down onto the floor, squashing all the air out of me.

‘Oumpf!’

‘Stay down! They’re firing!’

I opened my mouth to tell him I had noticed that, thanks very much, but I got a mouthful of mortar and wood splinters, and choked.

Crash!

The door flew open and Karim loomed in the doorway, his sabre in one hand, a gun in the other. He took in the scene with one fierce glare.

Roaring a guttural battle cry, he rushed forward and leapt through the hole in the wall without the slightest hesitation. From beyond the ragged opening came a scream. It wasn’t his.

‘That’s right!’ Shoving Mr Ambrose off me, I struggled to my feet. ‘Show those bastards!’ Grabbing the nearest thing to a weapon - a copper statue of the Egyptian god Ra with a wickedly sharp hawk’s beak - I made to step forward. I wasn’t going to be outdone by Karim!

‘Not so fast!’ An iron-hard arm encircled my waist, holding me back without the least effort. ‘Where do you think you are going?’

‘Let me go!’ Struggling against Mr Ambrose’s unbreakable grip, I tr

ied to get nearer to the smoking opening in the wall. ‘Let me go, I said! I’m going to show them! I’m going to-’

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