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Reaching into the right bag, I pulled out a hammock and threw it at Miss Linton. It was pure coincidence, I’m sure, that it happened to hit her in the back of the head.
‘Sling this! Go on, don’t laze about!’
She gazed at the hammock for a moment - then her eyes lit up in a dangerous way.
‘There’s one for each of us,’ I informed her, before she could get any ideas.
Too late. She glanced up at me and fluttered her lashes. Deep inside, I felt something tug at my insides.
‘Oh, really? Could you maybe help me and show me how to hang one of these up? I’m afraid I’ve never done it before, and I might do it wrong.’
Another tug, harder - and without a doubt in her direction. I wanted to go to her. I wanted it like I wanted gold and diamonds and world domination.
Well, maybe not quite as much as world domination.
‘If you do it wrong,’ I told her, keeping my expression hard as stone, ‘you’ll land on the forest floor. A course of action I would advise against, considering the poisonous snakes.’
With that, I turned and marched away. I had my own hammock to hang. Far away from her. As far as possible.
*~*~**~*~*
They say revenge is a dish best served cold. They’re wrong. There was no place on earth hotter than this jungle, and revenge could not have tasted more delicious. As we sat and ate our breakfast the next morning, I watched with relish as Miss Lillian Linton wiggled and squirmed under the onslaught of insects buzzing around her scantily-clad figure as if she were an all-you-can-eat buffet. She had wanted to attract attention with a lack of clothing? Well, she had definitely succeeded.
Negligently, I brushed off the single little insect that had dared to land on my mint-condition, barely ten-year-old tailcoat. Apparently, I was not nearly as appetising to the buzzing vermin as Miss Linton. Glancing up, I let my eyes rest on her for a moment.
I had to admit - mosquitoes had good taste.
Things were going smoothly again. The insects kept Miss Linton occupied. If all went well, we would make good time today.
I should have known it was too good to last. As if a few insects would be enough to deter her.
‘Dear oh dear.’ Sighing, Miss Linton rose from the tree root she had been sitting on, put her breakfast bowl away and stretched. Stretched long and lavishly.
I will not look. I will not look.
‘Hm…’ her voice came from my left. ‘It’s really hot this morning, don’t you think?’
‘No!’ Karim protested. ‘No, I don’t think so at all! In fact, I detect a definite chill in the air this morning! Isn’t that right? Sahib, you know best! It’s chilly, is it not?’
‘I concur,’ I will not look. I will not look. ‘Positively freezing.’
‘Strange. I somehow feel that I’m too hot. You know what? I think I’m wearing too many clothes. I should…’
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a giant form dash off into the trees. Karim, that cowardly traitor! I was going to get him for this.
‘That’s south!’ She called after him. ‘We’re going northeast!’
Abruptly, I rose to my feet. ‘I had better be going, too.’
‘What?’ She turned to look at me and, from under lowered lashes, gave me a distinctly insubordinate look. It made me want to grab her and… No! No, stop thinking about that! That’s not what you do with insubordinate employees. You do not want to do that with Mr Rogers from accounting. ‘Don’t you want to guard my rear today?’
On the other hand, maybe I should change my methods for dealing with insubordination according to the circumstances.
A muscle in my jaw twitched. ‘I think your rear will be much safer without me as a guard.’
‘Well, that’s too bad.’ Grabbing her backpack, she whirled around and flitted after Karim. ‘I guess I’ll just have to live in danger.’
Always.
