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“The problem?” I murmured, trying to make sense of it all. Even if I put aside the absolutely ridiculous notion that he could ever be attracted to me, there was a whole different issue that locked up my brain.
I swallowed, my mouth opening and closing several times. I wanted to tell him it was because I was a virgin and the thought of sex was more than terrifying to me. That it symbolized a loss of control and autonomy that I had spent years building up over myself. That it required a level of trust that I hadn’t felt for another person since I was ten years old.
But I didn’t say any of that. “It wouldn’t be appropriate,” I eked out instead, cursing myself for not having the guts to say what was really going through my mind.
“Appropriate?” he repeated. “I would take not interested, too complicated, or many other reasons, but appropriate doesn’t make much sense to me.”
“You don’t see how you, my employer, making out with me after hours might not be a little, uh, indecent?”
He grinned at that. “Ms. Viello, I believe you’ll find that appropriate and indecent are indeed two very different things.”
My breath picked up as I looked up at him. Goodness, how was it possible for him to be so attractive?
“But not necessarily mutually exclusive,” I took a moment to center myself, trying not to be distracted by how unfairly handsome he was. For all my posturing for thinking that I would never be affected by something so shallow, I was finding it harder and harder to keep myself impervious to his charm.
“Fair enough,” he said, smiling down at me like I pleased him. And I found that I liked pleasing him. I wanted him to look at me like that all the time, like I was the most impressive thing he had seen in ages. “So, what I’m understanding is that the kiss wasn’t a problem with you and there’s no need to shuffle any work arrangements.”
“No,” I answered quickly. Probably too quickly. “It was just a kiss. I’m fine.”
He bent down ever so slightly, like he was an eclipse blocking out everything else. I turned my face up to him, not knowing what to think or what I was hoping for.
“Oh, I wouldn’t call it just a kiss at all, but I am glad to hear that we can continue working together.”
There was a pulse between us, that same sort of enticing pressure that I had felt Friday night. His breath washed over my face and goodness, I’d never been so tempted to confess my virginity before.
But I wouldn’t.
I couldn’t.
He was my boss, no matter how hot he was, and twice my age. Sure, he may have forgiven me for slipping up, but I wasn’t going to push my luck. I needed to lock myself back within my defenses before I made another stupid mistake.
Besides, maybe this was all some sort of weirdly elaborate and cruel joke, like a couple of boys had tried to play in high school. They would jokingly ask me to a dance or feign interest, intending to humiliate me if I dared believe them.
I never fell for it, of course, and I wouldn’t let myself now.
“Me too,” I whispered, needing to say something, anything, that would relieve the tension between us. “It took me way too long to get a good job with benefits to give it up now.”
He laughed gently at that and sat back, finally letting me breathe. “Very good. In that case, now that the party’s done, you can assume your normal duties. I’ll email you your tasks of the day shortly. For now, my usual coffee order will do.”
“Of course, sir. I’ll get right on that.”
I stood, my knees wobbling slightly but feeling oh so relieved. And confused. And flushed. Actually, I was a whole mess of things but at least I had a job and wasn’t in trouble.
Everything was behind me, I just had to keep moving forward and not mess up.
“I’ll see you in a bit then, Ms. Viello.” His soothing voice floated after me, almost as if it was begging me to turn around and tell him all the bizarre things on my mind.
“See you,” I murmured back.
Goodness, not messing up suddenly seemed like it was going to be so much harder than I thought.
Beverly
Hands gripped me, warm and strong and everywhere. My breath came in little tiny pants as I writhed against the sensation, loving being held, loving being reminded that I was solid and real.
The world was a haze as I looked above me, seeing those oh-so-familiar chocolate eyes and salt and pepper hair.
“Bev…” he whispered, making my body push up into him.
I knew I shouldn’t be doing this, shouldn’t be encouraging this, but his large, warm form was over mine and I just wanted to feel him instead of fighting against it.
