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Just you wait, you two. Just you wait until today is over…
Ducking my head just in case my aunt was equipped with her trusted carpet-and-niece beater, I slunk into the house. She hadn’t used that thing since I’d turned fourteen and big enough to wrestle with her, but right now, I wouldn’t put it past her.
Inside the house, I tried to turn. ‘Listen, Aunt, there are a few things you should probably know—’
‘Move! Into the drawing room with you, you disobedient chit!’
Something prodded me in the back. The end of the carpet beater? Or had my aunt gotten herself a bayonet complete with firing squad?
‘But I have to tell you that I’m—’
‘You’re a good-for-nothing runaway, that’s what you are! Drawing room! Now!’
For once in my life, I did as ordered. Once I had reached the drawing room, I turned around. My sisters had assembled in the entryway, in front of the front door that Ella, thank the Lord, had closed behind her. It was bad enough that my whole family apparently intended to stay to witness my evisceration. It wasn’t exactly necessary for our entire street of neighbours to listen in, as well.
‘Now, Aunt.’ Straightening, I took a step towards her. ‘Listen here—’
‘No! You listen, you miserable excuse for a proper young lady!’ Oh boy, she was on full steam. I nearly could see it coming out of her ears. Her eyes were blazing, and…yes. There it was. Mr Carpet Beater. Hello. So nice to see you after all this time. How have you been? Feeling lonely without my derrière?
‘You…you….’ Arms, shaking, Aunt Brank raised the carpet beater. I was too well-mannered to point out that, in her excitement, she was holding it the wrong way round. ‘You are a disgrace to the family!’
I raised an eyebrow about half a millimetre. ‘Indeed?’
‘You…you…insufferable little…!’
Ah. So it’s just as annoying for other people as it is for me. Good to know.
‘Your uncle and I did all we could for you! We took you in, clothed you, fed you—’
‘…with cold potatoes and unsalted porridge.’
‘Silence! We clothed you, fed you, instilled in you the good manners and virtues a true lady should possess, and tried to teach you all the accomplishments you would need to succeed in life—’
‘…like handling a carpet beater?’
‘Like proper decorum!’ Aunt Brank screeched, waving her carpet beater through the air like a madwoman and sending a nearby vase crashing to the ground. ‘Like composure! Like good manners!’
‘Ah. Those,’ I said and cautiously stepped away from the shards of the shattered vase.
‘All we asked for in return was for you to make an good match. With all the advantages we gave you, it should have been easy to find someone to marry. But did you do it? No! Did you even try? No!’
‘Aunt, before you go on, I think I should tell you that—’
‘Silence! Don’t you dare disrespect your elders, girl! It’s past time you behaved like a proper lady!’ my aunt screeched and stomped on the shards of broken porcelain, scattering them all through the living room.
I just nodded. Normally, I wouldn’t have been eager to listen, but my aunt had never tried to teach me this kind of proper lady behaviour before. I had to admit, it was a pleasant change, and I was willing to listen and find out how vase-smashing and foot-stamping would be valuable lessons for my future.
‘We took you to ball after ball! We introduced you to countless gentlemen! But you never even tried! Instead, you ran off doing God only knows what and put the entire family’s reputation at risk! And was once enough for you? Oh no, you had to do it again, and again, and again over Christmas of all times, and you even dragged your uncle into this, somehow getting his permission for your hair-brained schemes and ventures! And now, apparently, it’s not enough for you to run off alone anymore, is it? No, you take along the whole family, dragging them into whatever it is you’re up to!’
‘Aunt—’ Ella began behind her, probably to mention a few little things like, oh, I don’t know, perhaps the cholera epidemic? But Aunt Brank raised a hand, silencing her instantly. Probably because it was the hand holding the carpet beater.
‘So you’ve dragged more of the family onto your side with your madness, have you?’ My aunt’s beady little eyes pierced me where I stood, pinning me to the spot. ‘Well, you can’t play that game with me, young lady! I won’t tolerate your shenanigans any longer. We’re going to put an end to this once and for all! You’re going to do what you should have done years ago—marry! And this time, there won’t be any balls and choices for you, Lillian Linton! No more officers and knights vying for your hand! I don’t give a darn who it is I hand you over to, as long as you’re out of the house! You’re going to marry the next darn man who knocks at the door, no matter if it’s the greengrocer, the shoeblack, or a bloody beggar, do you hear?’
I opened my mouth to reply—when a knock came from the door.
All heads turned.
‘Who could that be?’ Lisbeth asked, frowning.
