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Finn smiles. It’s a sad smile, one void of any humor or joy. “Let’s go sit down, and I’ll tell you everything. It’s a long story and a sad one, but it’s honest. I want to give you what you need, Anissa. I want you to have everything you need so that you’ll be happy with me.”
We sit down at the kitchen island. Finn places two cups of coffee in front of us. I take a sip of my mug and let the warmth fill me as he begins to speak.
“My parents abandoned Ciaran and me at an Orphanage. A fuckin’ shitty one. It was run by priests and nuns, people you’d think would want to help us kids. But this place was a corrupt shit show with disgusting people coming in and out. They were all predators, every last one of them. Not one decent person could be found there. One of the church patrons, or I should say customers, was your mother. When I first saw her, I thought she was a fuckin’ angel. The attention Bella gave me felt miraculous to a boy who didn’t have any real memories of kindness from his own mother. To me, she was an angel. She’d bring me clothes, toys, and candy. I felt so blessed to have her in my life. After a couple of months, Bella told me that she’d gotten permission from Father Bell to take me on an outing. I was so excited. The idea of going outside and doing something with Bella like a real mother and son was amazing to me. It was more than I’d ever dreamed. But we didn't go to the movies or out to lunch. Bella took me back to her house. At first, I thought maybe she wanted to adopt me, and I thought about how I could convince her to take Ciaran, too. I mean, he’s my brother. There was no way I’d leave him behind. There were all these people there, all women. They were all pretty with perfect hair and makeup, but it was weird because they weren’t wearing much clothing. I wondered where all their kids were.”
I want to say something because I can hear the way his voice cracks and the sad, lost look in his cobalt eyes.
“Sorry. It’s a little hard for me to talk about all this. The only person I’ve ever told was Ciaran, and that was when we were kids.”
“I’m not going anywhere. Take your time.”
He takes a sip of his coffee and nods his head. He’s silent for a few moments, his eyes looking past me into the distance. “I’ve got no right to ask you to tell me your story. I don’t need to know any of it. You can stop.”
“No,” he says, taking hold of my hand. “I plan on keeping you, Anissa. Forever. After seeing my brother and Parisa, I understand that you can be all kinds of fucked up, but your other half needs to see it. You need to be aware of all my darkness, Anissa. It’s the only way you’ll ever completely love me.”
I nod my head, but I want to tell him that I already love him. As fucked up and demented it all is, I love him.
“Bella took my hand and walked me to the center of the room. She told everyone that I was there for them, and they were there for me. At first, it was fine. All they did was talk to me. A few of them would touch my hair or my arm. It was a little uncomfortable, but Bella was smiling, and I wanted to make her happy, so I let them touch me. But then a few of them started to take off their clothes. That's when I wanted to leave. I asked Bella if we could go, but she said not yet, that we were going to have fun and play games. I didn't want to play games, but the idea of Bella being mad at me seemed like the worst thing humanly possible. I walked back to the center of the room and did what I was told. I took off my clothes and let them touch me in places I was sure they shouldn’t be touching. Private places. Then as time went on, they had me insert things in them, and finally, they raped me. Took me a long time to realize what they did was rape. I’m sorry I can’t go into more detail.” Finn laughs, a dry, sarcastic laugh filled with disgust. “I should have made her mad. I should have fought. I was so fuckin’ stupid. All I ended up doing is going silent. Other than you, the only other person I talk to is Ciaran. I’ve talked more with you in the last few days than I have in the last five years.”
