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I smile to myself.
I’m going to pleasure her all night long.
CHAPTER NINE
Tara
Waking up in Nate’s arms is the best feeling in the entire world. And that makes me feel more guilty than I’ve ever in my life.
When I stir from sleep, my body feels relaxed and satisfied for the first time in my life. And I turn to find Nate is still sleeping. I debate getting up and sneaking out, but I know that wouldn’t work. For now, we’re stuck together on this boat, and there’s little I can do about it.
But why would I want to walk away from the best thing that’s ever happened to me? That’s what the little voice in my head is asking me. And the answer is simple. As much as I want this, as much as I feel like I can’t live without Nate, I know that being with him will turn my entire life upside down. And I wouldn’t mind that if it was only going to affect me.
But I have to think about my dad, too. Last night, yesterday, I let myself forget about him, but reality is back, crashing into me like a giant wave. I want to dive in at the deep end with Nate. I want to settle into this thing with him and find happiness for the first time in my life with the man of my dreams. But that would mean betraying my dad. The one man who has been there for me all along. The one man who would disapprove of this thing I’m building here. If he knew I was doing this, he’d be so upset.
But this isn’t me having some casual fling with one of his closest friends. This isn’t me trying to throw it in my dad’s face and make him realize that I’ve grown up.
I’m doing this because Nate is the only man in the world who has made me feel this alive. He’s the one man who has shown me what it can be like to be happy. The only one who has ever captured my attention and kept it. And I think he feels the same.
This thing we share is so rare. So many people go their entire lives without finding a connection like this one. It makes me sad, and that’s why it feels like it’ll tear me apart if I have to walk away from Nate now.
But I feel like I don’t have a choice. Last night was a mistake. A beautiful, incredible mistake that I don’t want to take back. But we can’t go on like this. If I carry on with Nate the way we’ve been going, I risk destroying the only family I’ve ever had.
It’s always just been me and my dad against the world. After my mom died, he never remarried, never even tried to date again. He’s been loyal to her his whole life, even though she died so young.
So how can I now throw away my relationship with my dad over a guy I’ve only known for a day?
I watch Nate sleep with a lump in my throat.
It’s not fair.
I should be able to have both. I should be allowed to be happy, and not have to worry about how it’ll affect someone else. But it seems like I don’t have that kind of luxury available to me. I don’t get to put myself first. I have to think about my dad like I always do because I owe him that much. He always put me first. And if he ever does find out about this I can tell him that I left Nate for him.
That I lost the one thing that was important to me because I was trying to be a good daughter.
I can feel tears stinging my eyes. There is no good outcome for me in all of this. Either I lose my dad, my only family, or I lose the guy who I’m falling hard for. And the thing is, I know that Nate and I would be perfect together.
It doesn’t matter to me that he’s twice my age, or that I’ve only known him for a short while. Everything in my bones is telling me that he and I would work together. That we would be happy, that we would never have to worry about a thing. We’d have so many adventures together, see the world, make a family together…I can envision every part of our future together. Especially after last night, I know that we would be happy.
And yet I can’t choose to be happy. Not this time. I have to resign myself to being on my own. But how the hell am I supposed to explain that to Nate? He’s been so good to me…he’s made me feel so special.
And now, I have to tear everything we’ve only started to build apart.
