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No problem.
That was the thought hanging over me when I went into the last follow-up appointment on my schedule. I knew there was always the chance that they could say I hadn’t healed up enough and was going to need more time and more treatment, but I was feeling hopeful. And it paid off. The doctor gave me permission to go back to light duty so long as my regular doctor gave me the go-ahead.
I was thrilled as I left the orthopedist and headed for my regular doctor. I figured it was a good idea to go for a quick checkup anyway. Over the last couple of weeks, I hadn’t been feeling quite right and was worried I might have picked something up. It was getting to that time of year when everyone seemed to be sick, but I was hoping to slide through without having to go down with anything too bad. I’d already been laid up for more than a month with my knee. I’d filled my time-off quota.
It was a particularly exciting day since I was allowed to do the driving myself now that my knee was so much better. That meant as soon as I was finished with that appointment, I was able to make my way over to the logging company to tell them I could come back.
While I drove, my mind went over to Finn. We were going to have to have that talk soon. The conversation that we should have had from the very beginning was lingering in the air around us; we just never got around to having it. It felt good, but that was the thing that worried me the most.
Everything was so great between us, but maybe it was only that good because we weren’t talking about it. We hadn’t confronted the situation and started talking our way through it, so we hadn’t had the chance to encounter any of the potential negatives that could exist.
This couldn’t keep going. Especially not now. We needed to talk, and we needed to talk soon.
I got to the logging company and felt a little flicker of excitement go through me. It was strange to feel that way about somewhere I worked. I was so used to seeing my past jobs as just a means to an end. They were just what I had to do in order to make the money to take care of my son. They weren’t something that did anything else for me in my life.
Now, that was different. I actually started to feel like I had a real career, not just a job. I loved this place, and I loved the people I worked with. They’d become an extremely important part of my life, probably even more so after my accident. Not just because of how kind and supportive they were being, but because I had been spending so much more time with them at the bonfires.
Those gatherings were definitely the gateway to a stronger relationship. I appreciate being invited to the crew’s bonfires for opening things up between Finn and me, so I was always going to have a soft spot for them.
I’d managed to get closer to all the guys and to all their women and children as well. It was amazing to see Olly playing with the other little ones, feeling in a way like he was getting a taste of what it was like to have a big family. That was something I’d never been able to give him, and I had regretted it.
I didn’t know what it was like to have a happy, sprawling family with tons of relatives and big, boisterous get-togethers. I used to watch Christmas movies and see everybody piling up together into one house and spending all that time together and felt a tug in my heart. A major trope in all those movies was how much people didn’t want to see their families or how much they dreaded the big dinner or sitting around talking. Every time that happened, I thought to myself how nice it would be to have so much family and spend so much time together that I had the luxury of not liking it.
It wasn’t something I’d grown up with, and I felt that emptiness. I didn’t want that for Olly, but there hadn’t been anything I could do about it so far. It wasn’t like my mother was suddenly going to become the world’s best grandmother and start baking cookies and doing crafts with him. Aunts, uncles, and cousins weren’t going to spring into existence.
It was what it was, and that was the reality that his family was limited. From a biological standpoint, he had me. And my mother, but that was on a strictly technical basis. Including chosen family, he’d always had Deana. Her parents moved away a long time ago, so he didn’t get as much of a chance to form a close relationship with them as I would like him to, but he knew who they were and sometimes talked to them on video chats.
