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I don’t know why I feel the need to defend Alex. I tell myself I’m saying it to make Babushka feel better, so that she knows she has at least one family member who loves her, but I’m not sure that’s the real reason I’m saying it. It’s as though I feel guilty for our deception and I’m making sure the end justifies the means. So what if we are lying to her, we’re not harming anyone and it is making her happy and that is the most important thing.
“Why? Do you think he’s my favorite?” Babushka quips, then laughs uproariously.
I join her. Who can blame her for favoring the family member who isn’t just waiting for her to die so they can take her home and its contents?
“I always worried Alex would not find a nice girl, you know. I mean he’s handsome, but he’s so closed off. It takes a special girl to see beneath that harsh exterior. He wasn’t always like that you know. When he was younger, he was always smiling, always laughing. But then his parents died and he changed. He became a stranger overnight. He was so angry with the world. He chose a path I would not have wished upon my enemy. It was a very difficult period.”
Her eyes cloud over with the memories of that time.
“I really thought he was lost to us. Every night before I went to bed, I would pray that no policeman would come to my door to tell me he was dead. I was so desperate I used to pay people to keep tabs on him. I was so frightened, but God was merciful. He kept him safe. And now he is the man of this family.”
She smiles at me.
“Don’t tell anyone I told you this, but when Anton decided he was ready to ask for Petra’s hand in marriage, he didn’t go to her father for permission. He went to Alex. And do you know what Alex said? He told Anton that Petra was a grown woman who could make her own decisions, and he didn’t need his permission. He needed Petra’s.”
I smile to myself. I love that Alex realized that the outdated tradition of asking for a male relative’s permission to marry a woman is as good as treating her like a possession and that he wanted no part in doing such a thing. Babushka is right. I knew it before and I’m certain of it now. Beneath the harsh front Alex puts on is a man with a heart of gold.
That doesn’t help me though. In some ways, I almost wish he was an asshole underneath the mask. That would make it so much easier to not fall for him.
“You seem a bit off today dear,” Babushka says, astute as ever. “You and Alex haven’t fallen out, have you?”
If circumstances were different I would have liked to pour my heart out to her and tell her I’m falling for Alex and I think I’m going to get hurt, but I can’t do that. And the last thing I want is for her to start fretting over our relationship. My job is to make her feel good not the opposite.
“No, not at all,” I smile. “As Petra said, we got up to no good all night long.”
Babushka erupted in laughter. “You really must have Alex take you riding tomorrow. There’s nothing quite like the freedom of riding through the countryside to make you feel like a million rubles,” Babushka jokes.
“Yes, I think I’d like to feel like a million rubles tomorrow,” I agree with a grin.
“I can tell you now from experience there are many parts of these grounds where you and Alex can get naked and get up to no good,” Babushka adds, that twinkle back in her eyes.
I just laugh at Babushka’s lack of tact and impropriety. I will really miss this kind soul when I’m gone from here.
“I think it’s almost time for dinner,” Babushka says as we arrive back at the conservatory door. “Are you hungry?”
“Starving.”
Alex
I hate to admit it, but I’m actually pleased and more than a little impressed that Cindy disobeyed my direct order. As perverse as it seems it only makes me even more hungry for her. I spent all day thinking up ways she could pay for her insubordination.
From my window, I watch her walking back with Babushka. It should have made me happy seeing the two of them getting to know each other. Knowing how accurately I had predicted what Babushka would appreciate in a woman. But it didn’t feel good. It was hollow. I was cheating Babushka. And the stakes were high. If she ever found out it would destroy her.
I make my way downstairs to the music room and have a drink on my own. The time alone is necessary. Dinner tonight will be informal, more like a party. Babushka has invited some friends too, some of whom are old friends of mine. Usually Natalia gets to come to these events because Babushka was living in hope I would find a girl and she knew Natalia had a thing for me. If she comes tonight though there will be fireworks for sure.
