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I take them downstairs and arrive next to her as she stands in the middle of the foyer. She is obviously waiting to ask someone for help with her suitcases. Her lips tighten when she sees me carrying them.
“The driver is waiting outside for you.”
She presses her lips together and her chin trembles and I think she might start crying, but she doesn’t. Wordlessly, she crosses the wide space and goes outside. The driver rushes to relieve me of her luggage. He puts it in the boot of his car and she is in such a hurry to get in she almost falls. I can’t help it, I catch her in my arms.
“I said don’t touch me,” she says between gritted teeth.
Ignoring her I help her into the back and close the door. She doesn’t look at me. Just stares straight ahead, her face red with the emotion she is trying not to show.
I watch as the car pulls away. Then I turn around and something catches my eye. I look in the direction of my aunt’s quarters and I see her standing at her window. She looks at me sadly. She shakes her head and I shake mine too. At that moment, I can’t stop my eyes from filling with tears.
Then I go back to my room and I sit down on the bed. Petra played this game like a master. I look around me. The room feels empty, like Cindy’s presence filled it up and now it’s gone and nothing in the world makes sense anymore. I pick up the corner of the sheet and press it to my face, sniffing it and taking in Cindy’s scent.
“I’ll win you back, Cindy Forrester if it’s the last thing I do,” I whisper into her sweet scent.
Cindy
It’s been a week since I left Russia. Since I left Alex. My flight home was unbearably sad and lonely, but it all went smoothly. Everything went without a hitch. I spoke to Star as soon as I got on board and she was at the airport as she promised she would be. She took one look at my tear-stained face and took me to the nearest off-license. She bought three bottles of wine and we went to my place. We talked and drank into the early hours of the next morning. I sobbed my heart out to her. She made all the right noises and she still didn’t say I told you so.
Then Rosa arrived and Star left and I sobbed all over again.
I finally collapsed into bed around seven a.m. the next morning, telling myself I would feel better when I woke up now I had it all out of my system. I didn’t. Not only did I have the worst hangover I’d ever had in my life, but I was still just as sad, just as empty feeling. And I missed Alex so fucking much.
Rosa made me a whopping breakfast and gave me a glass of wine to drink. Hair of the dog, she said. I felt slightly better.
I knew he would still be trying to keep up the ruse for his aunt’s sake, and I didn’t expect to see him for the first two days at work. He would still be in Russia. But once he was due home, I expected him to show up at the casino. I was half looking forward to it, because I missed him so much, and I was half dreading it, because no matter what I felt when I looked at him again, on his side of it all had been a big fat fucking lie.
I didn’t even know if I still wanted to work at The Macau. All the excitement I felt about my career was gone. Everything felt empty and pointless.
I waited and waited, but I never had to face him because he didn’t show up. I went about my nights in the casino as usual, doing my job, and jumping every time a big guy in a suit walked in, but it was never him. What a coward. He wasn’t even going to show his face. I told myself I didn’t care, but I did. The least he owed me was an apology.
Actually, he didn’t though. Not really. He paid me what he promised me at the start of our arrangement. His lawyer sent me the deeds to half the casino. When I looked at it, I didn’t feel happy. I felt dirty and stupid because of what I’d unwittingly done to get it.
And yet despite feeling so lost, angry and stupid, and despite knowing Alex didn’t want me, that he never had, I still found myself wanting to see him more and more with each day that passed.
There was no out. I wanted him to show up at the casino. I needed him to. We need closure. I need closure.
