Page 88 of Led Astray (Hellraisers 1)

She mashed her fingers against her lips. "How could you be so low? How could you deceive me like that? How could you…" She choked on the rest of it.

Cage dropped to his knees in front of her. His anger had diminished and his voice trembled with earnestness. "Because I loved you."

She stared back at him wordlessly.

"Because I needed to be enveloped in you as much as you needed a man's love. I had wanted you for years, Jenny. Lust, yes, but more, much more than that. That night, you were there, in bed, naked and warm and sweet and aroused. At first I thought I'd only hold you, kiss you a few times before I identified myself. But once I'd held you, tasted you, felt your tongue against mine, touched your breasts"—he shrugged helplessly—"there was just no stopping the avalanche.

"I was surprised that you were a virgin. But even discov­ering that wasn't enough to stop me. Everything I am went into loving you that night. All I thought about was relieving your pain with my loving. It was the first time in my life I felt like I was doing something good. It was clean and right, Jenny. You've told me that yourself."

"I thought I was talking about Hal."

"But you weren't. I was your lover. Think back on that night and compare it to tonight. You know I'm not lying."

He stood up again and began pacing the stretch of carpet between bed and window. "Once I had made love to you, I couldn't give you up. I wanted to win you over slowly. I planned on courting you so that by the time Hal got home you'd be willing to break your engagement with him as pain­lessly as possible and come to me."

He stopped his pacing and smiled down at her. "The day you told me you were pregnant, I could barely keep still. I wanted to jump up, take you in my arms, and waltz you around that drugstore. Tonight when you told me the baby had moved, I felt the same way."

With the reminder of what had transpired only minutes ago, Jenny glanced toward the bed. It was terrible. Horrible. But she believed him. It all made sense. Why she hadn't seen it before she didn't know. It was obvious now. So damnably obvious. But as he had said, she hadn't been looking for it.

Or had she? Had she known? In the secret-most part of her­self, had she known? No. God, please, no!

"Why didn't you tell me, Cage? I made love to one man thinking it was another! Why didn't you tell me?"

"At first because I thought you still loved Hal. It would have destroyed you to think you'd been unfaithful to him."

"I was."

"You weren't, dammit. If anyone was, I was!"

Her breasts heaved with emotion as she struggled to her feet. "Months have gone by. Why haven't you told me?"

"I didn't want to hurt you."

"You don't think I'm hurting now?"

"You shouldn't be. You're free of it. It was my sin, Jenny, not yours. You were innocent and I was trying to spare you."

"Why?"

"Because you have a masochistic penchant for taking the responsibility for other people's failures. You hold yourself accountable for everyone's shortcomings. My parents, Hal, me."

He sighed deeply. "But that's not the only reason." He bored into her eyes with his. "I wanted to do the right thing. I felt as if I owed it to Hal not to tell you. While I was out raising hell, drinking and womanizing, he had devoted his life to doing good. I took something that rightfully belonged to him … although I could argue that, because I had loved you for so long."

He stepped closer to her. "I wanted you to be a part of my life, but I knew the price I would have to pay for you would be high. Hellions like me don't get rewarded without paying a premium."

"What are you talking about, Cage? It seems to me that until tonight you've gotten off scot-free. What kind of dues have you paid?"

"One of them was having you cry out my brother's name the moment you climaxed for the first time." She ducked her head. "Another was having you think all this time that it was Hal who had first introduced you to ecstasy. Another was the night in Monterico when I could hold you while you slept, but still couldn't express my love. The highest price was having you think that my child, my child, had been fathered by anyone other than me."

She almost forgave him then. She almost succumbed to the tremor in his voice and the fierce possession in his eyes. She almost walked into his arms and claimed his love.

But she couldn't. What he had done had been dreadful, and a sin of that magnitude couldn't be lightly dismissed. "So why tell me now?"

"Because you're blaming yourself for Hal's death. I can't have that, Jenny. He left on his mission with a pure body and a pure conscience. His death had nothing to do with you. There was no way you could have prevented it. I won't let you go through the rest of your life blaming yourself for it and thinking that you're even remotely responsible for making your child an orphan."

He reached for her hand. It lay cold and lifeless in his. "I love you, Jenny."

She snatched her hand away. "Love isn't built on deception and lies, Cage. You've been lying to me for months. What do you want me to do?"

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