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Reflexively she swallowed. “All right,” she said as steadily as she could. Her heart was pounding with dread. Instinctively she knew that she didn’t want to have this discussion with him.
“Leigh,” he said, glancing away, then forcing himself to look into her inquiring eyes. “Sharon was pregnant when she… died.”
She sucked in her breath sharply, started to utter a small exclamation, but bit it off just in time. For long moments she held her breath as she stared at him wordlessly. When her breath was released, it was on a long sigh. “I see,” she said weakly.
Wanting to put distance between them so she could think more easily, she stood up and went to the window. She looked at the decorated lawn with unseeing eyes. Behind her she felt a great chasm opening between them. She longed to turn around, to reach for his hand to pull her back across to him, but the gap became wider. He was on one side, she the other.
“I don’t think you do see,” he said quietly.
She didn’t. Her mind was screaming hysterically. Since Chad had first told her of Sharon’s reluctance in romantic regards, she hadn’t thought of them as loving physically. Selfish and insane as it was, knowing that Sharon had conceived his child filled her with enraged jealousy. It was a juvenile sentiment under the circumstances, but she couldn’t help the bitter emotions that boiled in her throat and left a metallic taste in her mouth.
“You see, Sharon—”
“I don’t want to know,” she said harshly, spinning around. Her body was rigid, her eyes cold and brittle. “Please, spare me the details.”
Chad was off the sofa in a heartbeat. “Dammit, it’s a no-win situation with you, isn’t it? I wanted to tell you so you wouldn’t find out accidentally like you—”
“Like I have about everything else. Is that what you’re trying to say?”
“Yes,” he said tightly. “I’m trying to be honest with you, Leigh. You’ve accused me of keeping secrets, and I don’t want to have any secrets between us. I could have tak
en the easy way out, kept my mouth shut and hoped you’d never find out about this. Few people knew Sharon was pregnant besides me and my parents. It was bad enough having a wife committing suicide. I didn’t announce to the world that she’d killed my baby, too.”
She saw his anguish, his pain, and was filled with remorse. She ducked her head and closed a hand over her eyes. Her fingers trailed down her face to her lips as she lifted her head. “I’m sorry, Chad. I’m sorry.” Ashamed of her reaction to his honesty, she wanted to make amends.
She covered the space between them and led him back to the sofa. “What happened?” she asked gently.
“We didn’t plan on having any children for a while. She was… the thought of birth, motherhood, terrified her. But she was no more responsible than a child herself and…” He raked a hand through his hair. Leigh longed to reach up and pat it back into place, but she remained still. “Anyway, when she found out she was pregnant, she panicked. That may have contributed to her suicide.” He sighed. “I don’t know.”
“Were you angry with her? I mean afterward, when it was all over, were you angry that she had robbed you of your child?”
His eyes drilled into hers. “How did you know? I was mad as hell. I knew I was supposed to grieve, but I was so angry, I couldn’t.”
Now she did touch him, reaching up to smooth his brows. “I felt the same way when Greg was killed. I kept asking how he could do that to me.”
“I guess those are human reactions. Nothing to be proud of, but extremely human.”
“I just underwent another such reaction. When you told me that Sharon had been carrying your child, I knew envy for the first time in my life.”
He hugged her to him. “My Leigh. Sharon getting pregnant was an accident of nature. When you and I make babies, it will be a celebration of life and the love we have for each other.”
She reclined against him, thankful that Sarah had been worn out by her grandparents’ attention and was sleeping in her crib. “Chad, hold me. Love me.”
“You may count on both,” he whispered into her hair.
Chapter Ten
Christmas Day was boisterous and happy. Chad picked up Leigh and Sarah and drove them to the Dillons’ ranch in Leigh’s car to accommodate the presents heaped in the back seat. The Jacksons, given directions earlier, were to meet them there.
Amelia Dillon had gone all-out in preparation for the day. The antique sideboard in the dining room was laden with date-nut bread, biscuits stuffed with tiny sausages and cheese, myriad cookies, and other delectables to tide the guests over until the turkey feast was ready. The desserts were lined up across the back of the sideboard. Unable to resist, and before either Leigh or his mother could stop him, Chad had helped himself to a piece of a tall coconut layer cake.
Upon their arrival, the Jacksons complimented Leigh and Chad on the tree they had decorated. Lois was less impressed with the ranch house than she had been with Chad’s, but she treated the Dillons with polite deference. She refused to acknowledge that Mr. Dillon walked with a pronounced limp on his left leg.
Leigh found him sitting alone in the living room, rubbing his thigh just above the knee. “Stewart, you shouldn’t wear your prosthesis if it’s uncomfortable.” He and Amelia had both insisted that she call them by their first names.
“You’re a dear lady, Leigh,” he said, lifting his eyes to hers as she leaned over him. “Don’t worry about this,” he said, indicating his leg. “I’m almost used to it by now.”
She sat down beside him. “How long has it been?”
