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He strolled over to Hawke and checked his wound. “Yes, sometimes the guys heal faster than I expect, but they always come out of it starving. You do not want to deal with a grumpy lion that’s hurt and starving.”
Stephanie gulped. “But Hawke’s different because he’s not…one of you.”
The man smiled. “He’s one of us. I make no distinctions between species.”
“You make it sound like you’re not racist, but whatever.” She stood up and hurried over to Hawke. He lay asleep, but his breathing appeared to be much more normal, and that gave her some relief. “Thank you for taking care of him.”
“Of course. That’s my job.” The older man, from the inflection in his voice, seemed to be about late fifties early sixties. “I know it’s harder for you being his mate, even if you are human.”
“I’m not his mate.”
Doctor Perry made a noise she couldn’t interpret and shuffled to the door. “Come out when you’re ready to eat.”
Over the next day, Stephanie waited for Hawke’s health to improve. When she was sure it had, and he sat up in bed talking to her a few hours at a time, she knew it was time to go. The tenderness in his touch and in the way he spoke her name did things to her insides, and if she didn’t go now, she might never leave. Rather than run off and tell him nothing, she faced him head on, determination in her bearing.
“I’m sorry, Hawke,” she began, tangling her fingers in the material of a casual dress she had purchased from Sienna’s shop, “but this life isn’t for me. I recognize that you all are good people, and every day I’m less afraid, but…”
“You have to think of Meechi first?” he interjected.
“Yes.” She couldn’t believe how well he took it. Maybe he wanted her to go. The knowledge hurt.
“I love you, Stephanie.”
She gaped. “W-what?”
“I love you, but I understand. I’m not going to hold you back from what you think is best for your life and for your daughter’s.” In some ways, she wanted to argue with him, to tell him he was wrong, even though he said what she needed to hear. He loved her? They hadn’t had a lot of time together, but the truth was she felt the same. She clenched her teeth together, resisting the ache in her chest.
“I love you too,” she managed with her head bowed. “I’m still going to go. Don’t watch over me.”
He started at her words.
“Don’t follow me please.”
He laid a hand atop hers, and without thinking about it before hand, she launched herself into his arms. She felt his wince and begged his forgiveness, but he held onto her. Stephanie shut her eyes and rested her head on Hawke’s chest. The strong beat of his heart gave her peace, but it wasn’t a human heart. Some part of Hawke was an animal. Or was it the other way around?
When she raised her head, he touched his cheek to hers. She brushed her lips over his warm skin and then found his lips. Their tongues curled together, but she didn’t let it go too deep before she pulled away.
She left the small hospital on trembling legs and didn’t look back as she stepped into Sienna’s car. When she arrived at Toron’s house, her things were already packed, and a ride home waiting. Stephanie thanked Toron for hosting her, hugged Sienna, and left with her daughter for home.
Chapter Nine
Four months later…
Things I love to do on Thursday, Stephanie wrote in her journal. Not because she couldn’t do it on any other day. She had chosen these items on this day just because. She ended the Y with a flourish and capped her pen, then glanced around the coffee shop. Every time she did it, a thrill raced over her being at the ability to see every person clearly. Since her eye surgery, she couldn’t get enough of just looking at the world. People probably thought she was a freak with all the staring, but she didn’t care. Let them get annoyed. Let them frown. She would look.
Of course sometimes she wondered if Hawke stood in the crowd, unrecognizable because she had never seen his face clearly. Funny how she could have slept with a man but couldn’t pick him out in a lineup. Sounds slutty.
She would have laughed if thinking of Hawke didn’t bring a bout of depression with it. So she often pushed him from her thoughts, except early on when she first came back from Vermont. She thought she was pregnant, but it turned out to be a false alarm. In one way, it was a good thing because her doctor likely wouldn’t have performed her cornea transplant. Also, she would rather have Hawke be a part of her life because she had accepted him there, not because she felt guilty and wanted him to see his baby. Hawke’s baby. Ugh, get a grip, Stephanie. Think happy thoughts. Think flowers. It’s Thursday.
She drained the last of her coffee and then pushed her chair back and stood up. She left the shop with the ding of a bell over her head and continued down the street. Soon she came upon the fresh flower kiosk she patronized on Thursdays. She bent to take in the fragrance of each vibrant bud and leaned away to study their beauty. Reds, purples, yellows—the roses, lilies, dahlias… She sighed and smiled.
“Back again this week?” the owner asked.
Stephanie chuckled. “Yup, I am. You can’t keep me away. If I say the usual, what will you say?”
The man laughed. “You got me there, Ms. Martin. You’ve bought every flower I have one time or another.”
“Oh all right.” She sighed in mock exasperation. “Let me have an assortment, your choice.”
