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I hated myself.
I hated everything around me.
I hated that I wanted to be wanted.
I hated how Mateo had sparked me to life and now I was a dying ember.
My shaking hand reached for the metal handle on the door. The coolness of it seeped through my palm, making me shiver. At least I was feeling something.
I yanked the door open, pushed my shoulders back, and darted inside. I had three minutes to make it to class, so I flipped open my bag to pull my book out as I hooked a left at the end of the hallway.
My head snapped back as I collided with something and I dropped to the floor. Again. The last time I’d fallen had been in Mateo’s apartment. He’d been there to help me up. There to wipe the blood from my face.
My fingers lifted to the cut on my head that he’d fixed up.
He wasn’t here now though. He was gone, just like everyone else.
“Crap. Are you okay?” Footsteps neared, but I didn’t open my eyes. I wanted to stay here and pretend the last week of my life hadn’t happened. “Luna?”
I blinked at the sound of my name and finally opened my eyes. “Aida?” My heart raced. She was here, did that mean he was too? A quick scan around us told me we were the only ones in the hallway.
“Yeah.” She smiled, her hair falling around her as she stared down at me. “You okay?”
I mentally took stock of my body. I was okay, physically anyway. “Yeah.” I laughed, the sound off, but if she noticed, she didn’t mention it to me. “Sorry.” I sat up, seeing all of the scattered papers around us. “I wasn’t looking where I was going.”
“Neither was I.” She shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal, then reached for the papers.
I jumped into action and helped her scoop them up, trying to get them into some kind of order. We worked silently, but I could feel her eyes on me every few seconds. She’d said my name, so that meant she recognized me.
“Here.” I handed her the papers and glanced at the big clock on the wall. I was late for class now, and it was the one professor who locked the door once it was start time. Fuck. Today wasn’t going well at all.
“Thanks.” She stood, pushing them into her tote bag. “Were you heading to class?”
“Yeah.” I kneeled, grabbed my bag, then stood on shaky legs. Keeping this scholarship was life or death to me. I’d either sink or swim, and right then, I felt like I had weights attached to each limb taking me to the bottom of an endless body of water. “I have Hawkins.”
She winced, knowing what I was saying without having to speak the words. “Yeah, there’s no way you’re getting in his room now.”
I huffed out a breath, pushing some of my hair out of my face. I hadn’t even bothered to do anything to it today, instead leaving it to hang in waves. “I know.” I moved my neck side to side, trying to ease some of the tension building up.
“Erm…” Aida looked around, biting down on her bottom lip. “Do you wanna grab a coffee or something?” She moved from foot to foot, looking nervous. “I kind of just…” She huffed. “I need out of my classes today.”
I stared at her, frowning at the darkness echoing in her eyes. I wasn’t sure why, but I felt myself nodding and stepping closer to her. “I guess.” I chuckled. “It’s not like I have anywhere to be for a couple of hours anyway.”
Her chest heaved on a breath. “Okay. Good. I mean, not good that you missed class, but good that you can come to coffee.” She shook her head. “Oh my God, I swear I’m not normally like this.”
“You’re good,” I said, smiling as she held the door to the building open. The coffee shop on campus was more expensive than the one a fifteen-minute walk away, but this one was closer, and Aida veered toward it. I mentally counted how much money I had on me and figured I could always ask for tap water if I didn’t have enough for the fancy coffees they sold there.
Neither of us spoke on the two-minute walk, and this time I held the door open for Aida. It didn’t feel awkward when we didn’t talk, and the longer I stood next to her in line, the more comfortable I felt.
When we were next in line, Aida told the college student serving, “Coffee, black.” She pulled her wallet out and turned to me. “What would you like?”
“Erm…” I narrowed my eyes at the menu, trying to make sense of it.
Aida laughed. “Make that two black coffees,” she told the girl, then slapped her card against the machine. It beeped twice, taking the payment, and I suddenly felt hot. I’d never been able to do that. I didn’t even own a card that I could do anything but withdraw money on. Every penny I had was spoken for, which was why I had to work so hard to stay here so that I wouldn’t live the rest of my life like that.
“Let’s grab a seat,” Aida said, hauling her bag higher over her shoulder. She weaved between all the patrons, finding a small table in the back corner of the coffee shop. It was darker here, the windows to the front of the store not lighting it as well. But that was okay with me. I wasn’t in the mood to be on full display.
The chair scraped against the tiled floor as I pulled it out, and when I sat down, I looked around at everything but the woman sitting across from me. There was so much I wanted to ask her, so much I wanted to know about Mateo. Like, where the hell he was and why he hadn’t dropped her off in the same spot as last week.
