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Everybody rushed out of the classroom, but I took my time, having nowhere to be for at least thirty minutes. If I were lucky, I’d take too long, and Knox would leave, and I wouldn’t have to appease him and put on a show for everyone around us. It was exhausting having to pretend to be happy, but most of all, it was so much effort not to pull away when Knox was kissing me. I shouldn’t have felt that way. I knew I shouldn’t have. Maybe there was something wrong with me? Maybe I was broken?
A throat cleared next to me as I pushed my pad into my backpack—a backpack that was falling apart—and I whipped my head up to face it. My desk buddy stood in front of me with his gaze focused on the floor as he moved from foot to foot.
“Yeah?” I asked, raising a brow even though he couldn’t see.
“I erm…I…” He pushed his hand through his hair and yanked on it. “I’m Leo.”
I waited for him to say something else, or at least look at me, but when he didn’t, I shouldered my backpack and answered, “I’m Elodie.”
“I know,” he blurted out, and my lips quirked in response as his cheeks reddened. “I…I noticed you’re not good at French.”
I snorted and moved around the table. He was honest, and it was refreshing in a way. I was so used to being surrounded by people who thought lies were the only thing useful to say. But damn if he hadn’t hit a raw nerve. “How long did it take you to figure that out?” I asked, and finally, his gaze met mine. His hazel eyes were framed with lashes so long and dark that there was no way any girl wouldn’t be jealous. It wasn’t fair when guys got lashes like that.
“About three minutes into the lesson.” He followed me as I walked to the door. “I could…you can…ugh.” He huffed out a breath and pushed his hand through his dark-brown hair. “I’m good at French.”
“Okay…” I halted in the doorway and stared at him, waiting to see what else he was going to say. He seemed younger than the rest of us in senior year, although he was already taller than me. And then it clicked. This was Leo, the kid who had been moved up four grades because he was that smart—he shouldn’t even be in high school yet. Maybe I really should have copied his notes.
“Wait.” I held my hand in the air. “You’re the new smart kid, right?” He nodded and looked down again. Apparently, he hadn’t mastered the art of being able to look a girl in the eyes, but there was something about him that made me feel protective. Maybe it was because he was four years younger than the rest of us. Or maybe it was because he was so shy. Either way, he could be the answer to me not failing this class, and—
“Hey, babe,” another voice said, and the deep but whiny tone told me who it was before I spun around and came face to face with Knox. His two best friends—or followers as I liked to think of them—stood behind him, their gaze fixated on Leo behind me. “What’s takin’ so long?” Knox asked, pushing his shoulders back, but his nostrils flaring told me he didn’t like the fact that he’d not only waited for me but found me in a classroom with another guy.
My instincts told me to tell him to mind his own business, but the part of me that knew what his reaction would be sighed as I stepped forward. “I was asking Leo for notes on today’s class.” I hadn’t gotten that far, but that was what I was about to ask Leo had Knox not turned up.
Knox didn’t answer for several beats, not until I laid my hand on his chest and brought his attention to me. “Yeah?” His almost blond hair moved over his forehead, and although I itched to move it because it was annoying me, I left it where it was, waiting to see what his reaction would be.
“Yeah.” I smiled and hoped it didn’t look like the grimace I felt. I had to appease Knox, at least until I was in my car and on my way to my dance lesson. There I could be me—the real me. The one who bled every time I turned the music on and let the rhythm take me away to a land where I didn’t have to worry ninety-nine percent of the time. A world where my mom wasn’t addicted to drugs. A world where I didn’t have to go to high school and work a job to make ends meet. A world where I didn’t have to pretend to be someone else almost all of the time. When it was only me, the studio, and the music, I was truly myself. The me I liked. The me I craved to be one hundred percent of the time.
Knox flung his arm around my shoulders and yanked me to his side, pulling me out of my thoughts and back to the here and now. “Let’s go,” he demanded, and not one of us refused. We all did as he said like dutiful followers because not following wasn’t worth it. Nothing was worth it anymore—at least, that was how it felt.
I turned my head and looked back at Leo as he pulled me down the hallway. This time his gaze wasn’t focused on the floor, but directly on me, and as soon as I stared into his hazel eyes, I turned back around and concentrated on leaving school. His gaze was too knowing, as if he’d read between the lines. I’d never seen that look in someone’s eyes before, and I didn’t want to overthink it. I didn’t want to entertain what he was thinking as he watched us leave, because then I’d have to be honest about the situation I was in, and right then, all I needed was to survive today and make it to tomorrow.
“That kid is a fuckin’ freak,” Knox grunted as w
e walked out of the front doors to school. He stopped at the top of the stairs and looked out at the senior parking lot where most of our classmates were gathered. “Who the hell is in senior year when they’re fourteen? Thinks he’s better than everyone else.” He snorted and cracked his neck to the side. “Don’t talk to him again, El.”
I gritted my teeth at his nickname for me, but the majority of my anger wasn’t at the last word he’d said, but the five before them. “What?” I raised my brows and stared up at him. He may have had seven inches of height on me, but that didn’t mean he could tell me who I could and couldn’t talk to.
His blue-eyed gaze met mine and his eyes narrowed. “You heard me.” His hand gripped my hip harder and he pulled me flush against his side. From the outside looking in, it seemed like he was simply bringing me closer to him, but the bite of his fingers told me he wasn’t fucking around. “Don’t talk to him. He thinks he’s better than everyone else.”
I opened my mouth, about to tell him that he didn’t know that because he’d never even spoken to him, but he cut me off. “And as soon as he finds out you live in a trailer park, he’ll just look at you like a piece of scum.” His other hand moved to the side of my face, this one gentler than the one still holding me against him. “You know people talk, babe.”
My chest heaved on a breath because I did know that. I’d been listening to the whispers practically my whole life, but it was when people found out what my mom did when the whispers became shouts. They only lessened when I started to hang with Knox, and sometimes I wondered if that was the reason I continued to be what I was to him. If he wasn’t standing next to me, then I had no doubt the students here would turn on me.
It wasn’t that I couldn’t handle it if it happened. I didn’t have the energy. Sometimes you had to take the easy way out, and lately, I was doing that more and more. But it was only for now. As soon as I graduated and I was out of this town, I could be whoever I wanted to me.
“And I know your mom isn’t doing too good again,” Knox continued.
It was the truth, she wasn’t, but that didn’t mean he had a right to know that and use it against me. He had no idea what it was like to have the one person who was meant to love you above all else not give two fucks if you ate that day. Knox had everything he could ever possibly want thanks to his rich parents, and yet he still chose to be with me. He didn’t choose the head cheerleader. He didn’t want the popular girl or the girl who could match him in wealth. He chose me, the girl with a fucked-up life and a trailer she called home. I was lucky he wanted me, but that didn’t mean I agreed with what he’d said.
“She isn’t.” I tried to pull away, but he didn’t let up his grip. All I wanted was to get to the dance studio right then. I didn’t want to hang around and see what else Knox was going to say. I needed to get out of here STAT. “Fine,” I huffed out. “I won’t talk to him again.”
Knox smiled big and wide like he’d won the grand prize and dipped his head down. “Good girl.” I held the masked expression on my face, not letting the disgust at his words slip. I was used to hearing so much worse than that on a daily basis, but it was the way he said it, as if I were a puppy who’d learned how to sit and he was rewarding me.
His lips pressed against mine, and I gave him what he wanted, knowing the sooner I did, the quicker I could get into my car and get the hell out of here. “I gotta go,” I told him, pulling away and stepping back. This time he let me go without a fight. “I’ve got dance class.”
“I can pick you up later?” Knox said, his gaze moving to the left and then back to me.
“Nah, it’s Friday.” I smiled up at him. “I know there’s probably a party you want to go to.” I placed my hand on the side of his face and was reminded of the kind young kid I’d first met. He was so different back then, and yet I spotted glimpses of that boy now and again, and I was sure he only allowed me to witness that side of him. “We can meet before I go to work tomorrow night?”
