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I’m glad that it’s a woman even though I’m still wary of her. I know better than anyone that women can be just as evil as men, the only difference is that they hide it better. It was a woman that had put me in that hellhole to begin with, having a big part in who I have become.
Who I’m trying to fix.
Maybe fix is the wrong word. Improve? Yeah, that sounds better.
“Of course you can, doll!” She smiles wide and walks to a door in the corner, waving me inside. “Let’s get the boring paperwork out of the way and then we can get you started with an induction.”
“Okay,” I whisper, sitting in the seat that she waves me to.
“Right! Introductions... You know that I’m Clare...” She raises her brows at me, indicating me to give her my name.
“Ava,” I say as I rub my sweaty hands down my legs and count to three.
“Wicked! Love the name.” She winks and sits on her desk, crossing her legs. “Let’s figure out what we can do for you.”
“Okay.” I smile and watch as she leans back and pulls her tablet out of a drawer, wincing as she balances on the edge of the desk.
“First, we’ll put all your details into the system and then we can show you around.”
I tell her all of the information that she wants to know. I feel my cheeks heat in embarrassment when I tell her that I haven’t exercised in years.
I used to love to run. The sound of my feet pounding against the ground as I pushed my legs faster and faster made me feel in control but I didn’t tell her that when I ran it was usually to get away from something or someone.
By the time we’re back out into the main area where the machines are, there are people milling about. Mainly men on the weight machines and one woman running on a treadmill.
I keep my head down not wanting to garner any attention as Clare shows me all of the equipment and tells me everything that I need to know to get started.
Once she’s finished up, I jump onto the treadmill and start to walk, building up to a jog. She’s told me not to push myself too much to begin with, that I need to build up my fitness but after jogging, I start to run, just like I used to.
After fifteen minutes, I’m out of breath and I have to stop because I feel like I may pass out any minute as spots float in front of my eyes. I can’t believe how unfit I am.
Grabbing a drink of water, I do my best to catch my breath as Clare comes over and pats me on the back. “You’ll get there, doll, keep coming regularly and you’ll see a difference in no time.”
“Yeah,” I reply, still gasping for breath. “Thank you.”
“Anytime.” She winks and shouts across the room to someone making me jump.
I look away and go to the locker room to grab my bag, ready to go home.
I feel so much better after that workout and I have a giant smile on my face when I pull yet another post-it note off the wall when I get back to the apartment.
I can do this. I really can do this.
Standing up when the lecture is over, I look around to see how many people are still about.
Leaning down to pick up my bag, my eyes widen when I see how many seats are next to the one I was sat on. My breaths start to come faster as I see three seats instead of the usual two.
How had I not noticed that when I sat down?
My head starts to spin as I hold onto the back of the chair and steady myself. I’m in shock, I don’t know what to do or how to react.
It’s different when I’m doing it consciously, when I know I’m about to tackle one of the things on my post-it notes, but when it’s by accident... It takes me by surprise and I can’t cope.
This is what I’ve been working towards, rationally I know that, but I just can’t get control over how I’m reacting. I thought I was prepared, what with all the books I’ve been reading and all the research I’ve been doing on the Internet to get myself out of the cycle that I’ve created.
I was wrong.
The only noise in the empty room now is my heavy breathing and I start to panic even more. Grabbing my bag, I let it dangle, scraping across the ground as I practically run out of there.
