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I run my hands down my thighs, standing up and walking out of the waiting room and down the hall toward her room.
I walk through the beige hallway, my eyes not drifting from straight ahead until I get to her room. I can see her through the windows and I stand still, watching her. The side of her face is pressed against the pillow, her eyes closed and her lips pursed.
My eyes scan all of her features, wishing I could just get up the courage to go in there, to put my hand on her face and press my lips to hers and tell her exactly what she means to me.
I can feel myself teetering, torn between going in there and telling her that I need her, that she’s the only person I’ve wanted in a very long time, or to just walk away, stopping the inevitable pain that’s certain to come. The inevitable loss that I’ll feel, because I will, at some stage I’ll lose her, just like I lose everything else that’s important to me.
My gaze darts around her room, scanning over all of the machines that she’s hooked up to as I run my hand through my hair.
Her eyes spring open and mine shoot to hers as they pull me in, I swallow and take a step forward. Her lips spread into a soft smile and her hand lifts into a small wave.
I chuckle at her sleepy face, my own lips spreading into a slow smile as I push open the door, heading straight for her.
“I thought I’d lost you,” I whisper, barely able to get the words out as I sit on the edge of the bed. I lean forward, placing my hands on either side of her face and just holding her still.
“I’m here,” she whispers back, her eyes fluttering closed as I lean forward and place a gentle kiss on her lips.
“I don’t know what I would have done if I lost you,” I choke out, a lump forming in my throat.
“Shhhh.” She pulls me down, placing her forehead against mine. “I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.”
I nod, trying to convince myself that everything will be okay from here on out. Closing my eyes, I relish in the silent moment between us and breathe her in.
We stay like that for several moments, neither of us moving.
“Lie down with me?” she asks, shifting slightly.
“No.” I shake my head. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Don’t be silly,” she says, rolling her eyes and patting the bed. “I need you to hold me.”
“Are you sure?” I ask.
“Hell yeah, I’m sure, get your ass in here.”
I chuckle and slip my boots off, climbing onto the bed and putting my arm under her neck, breathing deeply when her head goes to my chest, basking in the feel of her body against mine.
I wrap her hand in mine and bring it to my lips, kissing it gently and placing it back on my chest.
We don’t say anything else, there’s nothing to say right now. All that matters is that she’s going to be okay. That she isn’t in danger anymore. That’s all that ever mattered, since the first moment I met her all I wanted to do was keep her safe, to protect her. I tried to do that, even though it was in my own messed up way.
I listen as her breathing evens out and her head gets heavier, a sure sign that she’s fallen asleep.
I look down, watching her face. I’ve never taken the time to really truly appreciate how beautiful she is. With a small button nose and full lips, almond-shaped eyes with the longest lashes I’ve ever seen. She’s a different kind of beautiful. Not soft like Emmy. She’s edgy, the kind of beautiful that catches people’s attention.
She matches me in ways that Emmy never did.
Emmy was the soft to my hard, the light to my dark. She was the opposite to me but that worked for us. She’d listen to me and never argue with me when I tried to keep her safe. I can’t even remember a time when we had an argument.
Whereas K
itty tests me every step of the way. She’s just as hard and just as dark, but there’s something about it that intrigues me and I know for a fact that she’d hate me protecting her, thinking she could do it herself. Which she can, she’s badass and the best shot I know.
I push the hair off her face that has fallen into her eyes and she sighs.
Maybe this was my path all along? Maybe I was meant to arrive here, to go through all the heartache and pain so that it could lead me here?
All of a sudden, it’s like someone has switched on a light bulb, like my eyes have been opened and I can see things in color again and not black and gray.
