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I can’t believe he’s saying this. He’s telling me to forget about her, to pretend that she never existed. But she did.
“It’s different because I’ve had my life, son.” He stands up and widens his stance. “I’ve had over thirty years with your ma, we’ve had the joy of children, we’ve made a family and we have memories, lots of memories.”
“So do Emmy and I! We were going to be a family!”
“Yes, you have memories and you were building a family together. But it was taken away from you and I can’t imagine how much that hurts every day, but you need to move on. Not to forget, but to give yourself happiness.” He steps forward. “To live again.”
I grit my teeth and clench my jaw as I stare at him, his eyes shining with concern and honesty.
I know I need to move on, it’s been four years now, but I don’t know if I can. I can sleep with Kitty and pretend for a couple of weeks that everything is good, but when she mentions Emmy, or finds something to do with Emmy, I lose it. Just like I did the other week. She’ll never be able to understand. She’ll never get it, and she shouldn’t have to. It’s too much to put on her shoulders.
“I can’t, Dad. I can’t,” I choke out.
His arms come around me and he holds me just like he did when I was a child and I’d just scraped my knee falling off my bike. I feel like I’m that five-year-old kid again, sobbing into his chest.
“You can, son. One day at a time, that’s all you need to do. Take it one day at a time.” He pats my back, pulling away and holding the sides of my face. “You can do this. Make a life for yourself. Make Emmy proud.”
“I… I’ll try.”
“Come on.” He throws his arm around my shoulders. “Let’s go and get some pie.”
I snort as I wipe away the tears. “You not had enough pie lately, old man?”
“If there’s one thing you need to know, son, let it be this. You can never have enough pie.”
I chuckle and shake my head, walking back toward the house with him by my side. The sun sets in the distance, casting shadows across the house. My heart beats faster at the sight, Emmy would have loved it, but so would Kitty.
It’s time to take a different turn and get off the track that I’m on. I’ve been going around and around the same one for four years now, it’s time I made a pit stop and took a different route. I need to start and live my life in the present and not in the past. I can see that now.
Dad lets go of me as we get to the bottom of the steps where Ma stands, leaning against the post on the porch, a huge smile on her face at the sight of seeing Dad. He heads straight for her, wrapping his arms around her and whispering something in her ear.
That’s what I want. A love that lasts, a love that is forever. I want someone to share my life with, to laugh with, to cry with. And when I think of who that is, there’s only one person I think of. Kitty.
My heart beats faster as I watch Ma and Dad. They’d do anything for anyone, they’re the kind of people who love hard. Just like all of us Mackenzies, when we love, we love hard and forever. I get that now. I get that I can still love Emmy and our baby girl while loving someone else, I still have plenty of room in my heart for everyone.
“Pie?” Ma asks Dad and he replies with a moan and a rub to his stomach. “Charlie?”
I look from Ma to Dad and smile, stepping forward. “I could do pie.”
I wrap my arms around Ma’s shoulders as I get to the top of the steps and she taps me on the chest, whispering, “I’m so proud of you.”
“Knock knock!” Evan shouts as he comes through my front door.
“Hey!” I shout from my bedroom, shoving my arms through my t-shirt and padding my way through to the kitchen. “You want a drink?”
“Sure,” he says, following me.
I grab two bottles of water and throw one at him, he catches it in the air and leans against the counter.
“So, what’s up?”
“Nothing.” He looks away, a frown on his face and then back again. It’s his signature, “I want to say something but I don’t know how” look.
“Just say it, Evan,” I huff.
He worries his lip and twists the bottle top on and off, finally looking back up to me.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
