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I couldn’t remember the last time I was allowed outside. Not even to go to school.
“Hey.” I startle at the sound of Lexi’s voice, not having realized I pulled up outside.
She leans over, planting a kiss on my lips and smiling gently at me.
“Hey,” I say back, tapping the palm of my hand against the steering wheel before I turn around and drive us toward the compound.
I let the music play over the speakers, my head still stuck on that day.
I walked for hours and hours until I finally found a hospital. I can remember the look on the nurse’s face when she saw me, the horror in her eyes as I innocently told her what happened. Up until then, I didn’t understand that what my birth mother was doing wasn’t normal behavior.
For years I felt guilty for telling on her: for getting her into trouble. My dreams would be scattered with memories of her laughing or crying, the dog as it barked and growled at me. All of that noise still consumes me now, the only thing that quiets it is immersing myself in computers and devices.
Too much noise… there’s always too much noise.
I pull into the compound, leaving the car running as I slam my hands over my ears and squeeze my eyes shut as the noise gets louder in my head, almost like I’m standing next to speakers at a concert as they blast out sound at decibels that could deafen you.
I just want it to stop.
“Evan?” I hear Lexi’s soft voice and feel her hand as it strokes my arm. “Evan?”
I shake my head, not willing to look at her as I try to take a deep breath, my chest rattling at the force. “I… I…”
I feel her come closer, the heat of her body seeping into my skin. “It’s okay… breathe… in and out.” I do as she says, my hands starting to shake before I slowly open my eyes, my gaze clashing with hers.
It doesn’t get past me that this is exactly what I was saying to her when she had a meltdown.
“She’d lock me in a room with no windows.” I laugh a humorless laugh. “Room is a vast overstatement.” I shake my head, my gaze wandering away from hers as I feel her hands capture mine. “She’d leave me in there for days. No food, no water… nothing.”
“Evan.” She gasps and when I look back into her eyes, I can see the sheen of tears that threaten to fall.
“I don’t want your pity,” I grind out, ripping my hands from hers and pushing out of my car.
The sound of her door opening and closing sounds around me as I lean against the side of the car, the gravel crunching as she walks closer before she stands directly in front of me.
“I’m not giving you pity,” she snaps.
I stare into her eyes, looking for the truth behind her words. I’ve never told anyone this and the thought of her knowing has me breaking out into a sweat. What if she looks at me differently?
I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself enough but my voice still comes out shaky. “I was a kid… I didn’t know that it wasn’t normal to not be allowed outside and to be fed every day and not have to sneak around for one slice of bread.”
I look away, not able to see the heartbreak in her eyes.
“She’d get her dog to guard the room, making sure I didn’t come out while she had men over and ate all the food that she used to keep tightly locked up.” I clench my teeth together, the muscle in my jaw ticking. “I was so hungry that day, the pain was too much.”
I feel her co
me closer, her hands landing on my biceps, her fingers stroking softly. “The scar.”
“Yeah.” I nod my head, chancing a look at her as she lifts the sleeve of my t-shirt, her eyes landing on the jagged scar that runs down my bicep.
“She wouldn’t take me to the hospital, so I escaped when she was asleep.”
Her gaze flicks up to mine, understanding and… something else shining in their depths.
My stomach flip-flops as I stare at her. Dad and Pop know what is on the official report, but I’ve never told anyone, not with my own words.
How can someone have this effect on me? How can one person have me pouring my heart out without even prompting me?
