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“I’m sorry,” she says, her voice low. “I couldn’t leave him out there. I don’t think he’s had a proper meal or a wash for a long time. I just wanted to help.”
Her voice brings me back out of the trance that she seems to have put me in and I watch as my hands come up and frame each side of her face.
“You’re one of a kind, Lexi.” I grimace at the sound of my voice and the words that have vomited out of there. What the hell am I doing?
She looks up at me, her eyes finding mine as I get lost in her hazel orbs. I could stare into her eyes for hours and never get bored.
“I am?” she asks, apprehension in her voice.
“You are,” I answer, my eyes flicking between hers as my fingertips tighten on her face slightly. Her skin is so soft. How the hell did I get here? Holding her face in my hands?
“Hey, girl!”
Lexi jumps back, severing the connection that we had and looks down at the floor, her shoulders slumping and her feet shuffling on the floor.
“I better…”
“Right, yeah, erm… me too.”
I count to three in my head before we both spin around and go our separate ways. Berating myself as I walk back into the room and over to the mirrored wall, leaning my back against it and sinking down to the wooden floor.
Why did I do that? Why did I let myself get lost in her again?
From the moment she scared the life out of me a couple of weeks ago, I haven’t been able to be in the same building as her without thinking about what she’s doing or how she is.
I have enough on my plate as it is. Geena, my job, and now West and Seb being back in town. The next month I’m going to be so busy it’s unreal. I see less sleep in my very near future and more arguments with Geena: she’s not going to like the fact that I’m going to be working extra hours, leaving little time for her.
I rest my forearms on my knees as I let my head drop to my chest, feeling like I have the weight of the world sitting on my shoulders.
I know relationships are full of ups and downs, but I shouldn’t be feeling like this: like I have no way out. That isn’t what love is about; not to me anyway.
I may have had a bad start in life, but my dad and pops showed me what real love is. They may have been two gay guys who started a family, stepping outside of the norm and losing family and friends over their decision, but the fact of the matter is, they were the best parents I ever could have asked for.
They never asked me to talk about what happened to me before I lived with them: they never pushed me.
Even now, all these years later, they still don’t know the full extent of what I had to put up with as a child. It wasn’t ever physical—not from her hands anyway—only ever mental, which is so much harder to prove as a social worker.
“Evan?” I jump and squeak at the sound of my name being called and look up at Lexi where she’s crouched down in front of me. “You okay? I’ve been saying your name for a few minutes.” Her eyes shine with concern.
“I… yeah, I’m good.” I lift up and look down at her as she stands slowly.
“Your class has been waiting for the last five minutes. I… just… never mind.” She spins around and walks over to the door.
“Lexi?” I call out as she puts her hand on the door handle. She turns her head slightly, not quite meeting my eyes. “Thanks.” I don’t even know what I’m thanking her for but she nods anyway before pulling the door open and letting the class file in.
Switching off the lights as I walk out of the center leaves the whole place in pitch-black darkness. The only light as I step outside is the lone one that sits opposite the police precinct. It’s creepy, and scary. I tend to speed up locking the door and do a weird walk/run down the path to get in more light.
The only thing I love about this time of night is the stars that twinkle like diamonds, flashing and then disappearing behind the clouds that skim across the sky.
It’s somewhat of a routine now for me to find as many constellations as I can on the walk home. There’s never many people or cars on the road as I do this, so at least I don’t look crazy with my head tilted toward the sky. I’ll be lucky if one car drives past me all the way home.
When I get to the end of the road, I find the big dipper and smile. That’s the one I always find first.
A pair of headlights flash in front of my eyes and I speed up a little as the car slows down, making my stomach flutter with nerves and my hands start to shake.
Tilting my head down, I wrap my arms around my waist and steady my breathing as they pull up alongside me.
“Lexi?” I shiver at the cold—or is it that voice?
