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“Yessss.”
He groans as he starts to push inside of me and all I can do is hold my breath as I’m ripped apart from the inside out. I grit my teeth, knowing if I can just endure—my breath hitches when he pulls back out, and then he’s slamming himself back inside me and I lose the will. I lose the fight. I lose it all.
LILY
One action. Several minutes. That’s all it took to destroy me. I thought there was nothing worse than what had already happened to me, but the idea of a lifetime with Jonah has broken me completely.
I feel nothing. It’s the only way to act when feeling everything is too much.
I have to protect myself and my sanity. I get it now... I really do get it. This is why people become catatonic. They do it to save themselves. And that’s exactly what I’m doing now as I walk toward the church with my hand limp inside of Jonah’s tight grip.
My only hope now is that someone will notice. Maybe they’ll look at me and see the broken girl screaming inside for someone to stand up and fight for her. Just like Luke did.
Luke.
The man who tried to be my superhero but failed. How many times did I tell him I could save myself? What a childish notion to think I could rescue myself from the hands of evil. It was never going to work out the way I planned.
This is my life now and I have to make the most of it, no matter how much I become someone else. I’ll always be the girl who couldn’t give Luke the fake smiles and he could see right through. She’ll always be buried inside of me.
His an
gel.
It’s another life. One I wouldn’t change.
I’ve given up, the fighter inside me has had enough. It’s too exhausting to keep pushing against something you can’t stop.
Is this how my mom felt?
The church is packed to the brim when we walk inside, and silence rains down on us as Jonah moves us down the aisle toward the pew. An aisle I’ll be walking down in a couple of days for an entirely different reason.
Was this the plan from the beginning? Did Dad know once I turned eighteen he wouldn’t be able to control me so he made his own plan?
I sit down tentatively but can’t stop the wince slipping free when I make contact with the hardwood.
“We finally found her,” Dad announces, but I can’t bring myself to look up at him. The shame of what Jonah did to me drips from every pore. It’s like they all know, and when Jonah pulls me up after several minutes and tilts his head to the podium, I don’t hesitate in walking toward it. I see the warning clear in his eyes.
Dad wraps his arm around me when I’m standing next to him, and I can’t bring myself to move away. The rebel inside of me wants to shout. To tell them what he’s been doing for the last five years. What Jonah did only ten minutes ago. But when I open my mouth, nothing comes out.
“We found her bound in a motel room, beaten half to death and a shell of her former self.” My dad sniffles, the act just that—an act. “She wouldn’t go to anyone but Jonah: the man she’s been dating without my knowledge.” I look up slightly and the first person my gaze lands on is Kim. Her eyes are wide and her hand covers her mouth. “I’m not too happy about what they have been doing behind my back, but when Jonah explained to me how much they love each other and that he wants to make an honest woman out of my daughter, I couldn’t say no.”
Kim moves her hand from her mouth, her brows scrunching together as her gaze bats between all three of us standing on the raised platform. I see the exact moment everything clicks and watch as she starts to stand, but the thought of what they’d do to her has my head shaking in warning.
She stops and I see the question in her eyes, so I take a breath and unlock it all. Letting it all come to the front, I show her it all silently. The pain and destruction they’ve caused, all while begging her to not put herself in danger.
I feel my pulse racing as I keep my gaze connected to hers. Only a few minutes ago I’d lost all hope, but right now I know I’m not alone.
“I hope you’ll all be here Tuesday to watch as they join together in front of the good Lord.”
My stomach gurgles and I cover my mouth with my hand. It takes more effort than it should because of my tired muscles.
“I think I should get her home,” Jonah says as he watches me.
I look up at him as I realize once I’m out of this church and back in that basement, he can do whatever he wants to me with nothing and nobody to stop him.
My reaction is too late though because when I finally get my mouth to work and my head to turn, I’m at the back of the church with only two sets of eyes on me—my dad and Kim.
I stare at Kim hoping she’ll help, but when she doesn’t do anything and looks down, I accept my fate, knowing there’s nothing that can stop this from happening.
