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“What? That’s not true.”
In fact, it’s a bald-faced lie. I glance past Joel’s round shoulder to where his little pet is giving one of her tables a prolonged view of her cleavage in her low-cut black shirt. I’m not sure who is the one trying to jerk me around, but Joel is quick to make his point.
“You’ve been here a long time, Avery. Don’t start messing that up now.” He wags his finger between Tasha and me. “I see any more slacking off back here, I’ll dock you both an hour. Don’t think I won’t do it.”
I want to tell him to get screwed so bad, the words are jumping on the tip of my tongue. But I can’t afford to lose the hour’s pay, let alone this job.
Tasha sees my struggle for restraint and rescues me by drawing Joel’s attention away. “Here you go. Four shots of Glenlivet, ready to roll.”
Without so much as a word of acknowledgment, he snatches the tray of drinks and carries it out to the table.
Chapter 13
It’s nearly midnight by the time Joel sends me on break. Subtlety is not his forte, but he’s not even attempting it when he finally comes over to the bar to announce it’s my turn to grab a quick bite before we head toward closing time. The fact that he makes a point of checking his watch as he grants my fifteen minutes only sets my teeth further on edge.
Tasha gives me a dramatic eye-roll as he struts away from the bar. “I can’t believe he made you wait until everyone else went first. What an asshole.”
I shrug as I finish running a customer’s card. “He’s got issues, obviously.”
Tasha snorts. “And a very small dick, I’m sure.”
“Ew. Let’s not even try to imagine, shall we?”
She laughs and grabs the tab from my fingers. “Go on. I got this for you.”
“Thanks.”
As I start to clock out on the bar console, Joel’s fake barrel laugh carries over the other restaurant noise. He’s resumed his table rounds, pausing to greet customers like he’s the damn mayor himself. Kimmie is right there in his shadow, fawning and flirting with him and every other male in the place.
Tasha groans at the same time I do. “Remind me again why we put up with this?”
I slant her a wry look. “Because on any given night, we make twice as much as we would anywhere else in the city without taking our clothes off for a living.”
“Oh, yeah. There’s that.” Tasha nudges me with her elbow. “Go enjoy your break.”
“Okay. I’ll be back in fifteen.”
She waves at me. “You know where I’ll be.”
I fill a glass with tap water from the soda gun behind the bar, then swing by the kitchen to grab a cup of the day’s soup special and a hot roll for dinner. It’s not much of a meal after eight hours of working, but it’ll do. Lord knows, I’ve survived on much less for a lot longer than this.
How many times had a can of watered-down chicken noodle been the only thing standing between Mom and me and near-starvation when I was a little kid? Too many to count. I don’t even want to try. Those lean years aren’t something I like to remember. And hunger hadn’t been the only trouble we’d endured together after my beloved daddy had died and left us alone.
No, she and I had gone through much worse.
Especially after she married my stepfather.
I close my mind against the ugly memories that are always too close to the surface, clinging to my conscience like poison. Memories of the terror, the pain, the shame. Memories of bloodshed and tears . . . of violence and death.
Shit. Will I ever be free of them?
I don’t really need to ask. I know the answer. I’m no more free than my mother. The only difference is the steel bars and razor-wired walls that have kept her confined for nearly a decade. My bars and walls are self-constructed, but just as impenetrable. I’ve lived behind them for so long, I’m not sure I’d survive if I ever permit myself to step outside.
The air is too pure. The light is too bright, leaving me no place to hide. No chance to escape my past or the impact it’s had on every facet of my life in the time since.
I am my own warden out of necessity. And yes, out of fear as well.
No one gets past my barriers.
