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Dean: Let’s get something straight here. I never, and I mean NEVER, do something I don’t want to do. Text or call me if you need anything. Sleep tight. Don’t let the ducks bite.
Dean: DUCKS.
Laura: Just give it up, man. Let the ducks win.
Dean: You up?
Laura: If you need something right now, I will punch you in the throat.
Dean: Well, aren’t you a ray of sunshine at 7 a.m.?
Laura: Sorry! That was uncalled for. Shepherd and Wren are late getting back to the island, and they’re out of coffee. So I’m trying to deal with a thousand different things at one time without caffeine, and I just realized my fucking golf cart is still broken down at the Dip and Twist, and I need to be there in thirty minutes for a delivery.
Laura: Ignore all that. I don’t even know why I’m telling you this. I’m just having a bad morning.
Dean: I thought we agreed you would contact me if you needed something.
Laura: No, you told me to do that, and I decided not to listen. It’s fine. I’m just going to have Karen run up to the stand and sign for the delivery… if she ever answers her phone.
Dean: It’s a good thing I knew you’d be stubborn. Go outside.
Laura: Fresh air is not going to make my morning any better.
Dean: Stop being difficult and just go outside.
Laura: Whose golf cart is that??
Dean: I got you a rental and had them drop it off earlier. I’ll stop by the stand in a little bit to get the keys to your cart and see if I can figure out what’s wrong with it.
Laura: No, you most certainly will not! Thank you for the rental. You really didn’t have to do that. I can handle getting my own golf cart fixed.
Dean: Message failed to send.
Laura: Nice try. You know the messaged failed error doesn’t come through as an actual text, right? And I can see the read receipt.
Dean: Block contact.
Laura: I’m going to be really disappointed right now if you’re attempting speech to text again. Haven’t the ducks been through enough?
Dean: Real cute. Thanks for the package you left for me at the front desk.
Laura: Who is this?
Dean: I’m sorry… I didn’t realize there were multiple people you left a box of dicks for at the hotel.
Laura: Don’t you mean ducks?
Dean: Very funny.
Laura: Well, you’re welcome. It was just my way of saying thank you.
Dean: You know you could have just given me these while I was in the parking lot working on your golf cart, right?
Laura: Where’s the fun in that? I had to drop off a shipment of ice cream pints for the hotel to put in their lobby snack bar, and I figured, who doesn’t like to get a phone call from the front desk saying they have a delivery? Very exciting. Also, you’d be surprised how difficult it is to try to find homes for 137 fake dicks. This was an easy way to get rid of 20 of them. Oh, please tell me you opened the box in front of LaVon.
Dean: How could I not? Have you met that woman? She kept shouting, “What’s in the box?! WHAT’S IN THE BOOOX?!” I felt like I was in that scene from the movie Seven. I would have much rather opened the box and found Gwyneth Paltrow’s head in there.
Laura: Did she start singing that “Dick in a Box” song from SNL?
