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After a moment, I continued, “Much later, we found out that elderly woman had actually been in Florida visiting her sister when the fire broke out. She just hadn’t bothered to tell any of her neighbors she was going to be out of town. But of course, Travis didn’t know that at the time, so he went back in to save her.”
Lark whispered, “Were you there when it happened?”
“No.” I shifted my gaze from the phone screen to my left hand, which was compulsively trying to smooth out a wrinkle in the blanket. “Travis and I joined the department at the same time. In fact, we met the first day of training and went through it together. By the time training was completed, we were engaged.
“We were so angry when the captain told us we wouldn’t be assigned to the same firehouse. He had a policy of splitting up couples, because he felt they’d always put their partner’s wellbeing above following orders. We thought it was unfair and complained to anyone who’d listen. But you know what? That captain was absolutely right. If Travis and I had been on the same crew I’d be dead now too, because nothing on earth would have stopped me from going into that collapsing building after him.”
Lark whispered, “Oh god.” When I looked at the phone, tears were streaming down his cheeks.
“Please don’t cry, baby boy.” I ran a finger over the screen, which was a poor substitute for being able to touch him.
He quickly dragged his sleeve over his face as he said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make this about me by getting emotional. It’s just so sad.”
“I try to look at it like this—we had seven great years together.” I fidgeted with the edge of my phone case, and after a moment I said, “It’s weird to think this summer will mark seven years since he died. He’s been gone almost as long as we were married. And even though both loving him and losing him will always be a part of me, I’m okay now, for the most part. I know it doesn’t seem like it. You’ve seen me struggling, but the last three or four years haven’t been like this. I spent a lot of time in therapy and learned to heal. But meeting you stirred up a lot of stuff.”
“I can see why it would be tough to be with someone again, after all those years.”
I glanced at his image on the screen and said, “If you’re talking about sex, I wasn’t celibate this whole time. I was for almost three years, but I became desperate for human contact, so I started having sex with strangers I met on a hookup app. It actually didn’t make me feel all that guilty, because there was no emotion involved. It was just two people getting what they needed and moving on. But you…you’re something entirely different, Lark.”
His eyes went wide. “I am?”
“Definitely. It’s not just that I’m attracted to you, or that I really like you as a person—which I do.” I hesitated before admitting, “When we kissed on New Year’s, I felt a spark. That only happened to me once before, and to feel it again with someone other than Travis shook me to my core. I think I’ve been reeling ever since.”
He said softly, “I felt it, too.”
“You did?” When he nodded, I said, “I wish we were having this conversation face-to-face, not over the phone. It feels like a cop-out, just like calling us friends with benefits when I’m feeling…everything.”
“This is easier,” he said, “and it doesn’t really matter what we call ourselves. Let’s forget about labels, take things day by day, and just enjoy it.”
“That’s an excellent plan.”
Lark grinned at me. “I have good ideas sometimes.”
“Will you come over tomorrow evening? I want to try again, since I completely blew it last time.”
“You didn’t blow it at all. That was a really fun night! Why don’t you come to my house instead, though? Your first day off is supposed to be about relaxation, so let me cook for you.”
I asked, “Are you sure? I don’t want you to go to any trouble.”
“It’s no trouble at all,” he said with a big smile. “I’ve got this.”
15
Lark
I definitely did not have this.
Why’d I think I could impress Dylan with this whole domestic goddess routine? I could barely make a bowl of cereal, let alone do any actual cooking.
The only things I’d done right: selecting a cute outfit and buying an adorable apron. It was printed to look like the ocean, with a cartoon unicorn riding a pizza slice like a surfboard. I was wearing that with a red cropped top, purple shorts, and white platform Mary Janes with little tie dye ankle socks. In short, I looked fab. The utterly trashed kitchen was another thing entirely.
Kel and Eliot were standing in the doorway, looking worried as Kel asked, “Are you sure you don’t want our help?”
“No thanks. It’s important to me to prove to Dylan I can do this on my own.”
Eliot asked, “Okay, but…why, exactly?”
I turned to my friends and leaned against the counter. “Because he has a super stressful job, and on his days off he really needs to relax. You guys know I’m terrible about taking care of myself. Most of the time, I don’t even remember to buy groceries and end up mooching off one of you so I don’t starve. But Dylan doesn’t need someone like that, someone he has to worry about and take care of. He needs someone who can stand on their own two feet, without being a burden to him.”
