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Shit. “No. God, no, Jacks. It’s not that at all.” He frowned, and the hand clutching his Aquaman tightened. “Mr. Gate has a really hard job and he needs to rest. That’s all.”
“I can be really quiet,” he whispered, as if practicing.
Double shit. “You sure can. But it has nothing to do with you. He just wants to be by himself.” I was doing a piss-poor job of explaining, but I also didn’t want to lie to him. I was going to earn his trust brick by brick, and then I’d mortar those bricks together so no one could tear them down ever again.
I smiled at Jackson. “Might be cool if we can find a place that has a television so you can watch movies, or maybe you have a favorite TV show.” He didn’t say anything. Okay, this wasn’t working. “How about you go inside and have the last cinn-a-bum?” Addie had run out to Mrs. Maple’s bakery before I went for my run and picked up a few. She’d crashed at the cabin last night because her Grandma Hettie, whom she lived with, had been hosting her girls’ monthly poker night, and that meant a bunch of women trying to set Addie up with their grandsons. Something Addie wasn’t having any part of.
There was the smallest twitch at the corner of his mouth, and my shoulders sagged in relief. It was miniscule, but I’d take it. “It’s not a cinn-a-bum.”
I frowned. “It’s not?”
He shook his head, relaxed blond locks falling in front of his eyes. “It’s a bun.”
I squished my lips together. “Hmmm, I don’t know about you, but I think bum is better. What do you think?”
He hesitated for a second, almost as if he was scared to admit that he liked the name. I smiled to offer him reassurance. He side-glanced at Jaeg, who grinned with a wink.
Jackson’s shoulders straightened and he stood a bit taller as he said, “And they have cracks on top.”
Oh boy. I laughed.
Jaeg chuckled.
Jackson grinned. Not a tentative grin, but a big grin, and my chest squeezed. I instinctively reached out to pull him into a hug, and his body went rigid. His grin vanished like a flipped switch as panic invaded his beautiful blue eyes.
Crap. Stupid me.
The truth was, I had no idea what I was doing, and it terrified me that I was screwing him up even more. My experience raising a child was nonexistent, let alone a child with serious issues. A child who woke up in the night because of night terrors. A child who saw me as a stranger.
I stepped back, giving him space to go inside without having to brush by me. “Ask Addie to cut it in half for you.”
He nodded and disappeared inside. I stared through the screen, watching as he walked over to Addie, who was talking on her cell. He didn’t interrupt. He just hitched up onto the bar stool and waited.
Jaeg’s motorcycle boots shuffled as he moved to lean up against the porch railing. “He’s a good kid.”
I nodded. He was. He really was. I didn’t know how it was possible after what he’d been through. I was pretty sure there were stages of emotions he’d go through. I just didn’t know what they’d be, or when it would happen, and if I’d know what to do.
Sometimes, I’d catch him holding his breath. I didn’t know why he did it, but it was as if he was cranking the handle of a jack-in-the-box, waiting for the clown to pop out and scare the shit out of him. Or waiting for the moment he was snatched away. Or maybe for his bedroom door to open.
Bile rose in my throat and I swallowed several times.
I may not be able to erase the bad in his life, but I’d do everything in my power to protect him and fill the rest of it with love and laughter.
Addie’s raspy laugh filtered through the screen, and I glanced inside. Jackson was now perched on the island, legs swinging and mouth full of cinn-a-bum. I had no idea what Addie was saying, but she threw her arms up in the air as if she was riding a rollercoaster and about to go down a big hill.
She was great with Jackson, but then I knew she would be.
She had this way about her with animals. Every summer, the camp would ship in new horses, and most of them were scared, skinny, and covered with old scars. We didn’t know it at the time, but the camp bought them off the meat trucks because they were cheap. They’d use them all summer, then ship them back if they weren’t worth stabling for the winter.
Addie had those horses eating peppermints out of her hand and following her around like puppy dogs within hours. She was like that with all animals. Maybe Jackson felt that in her.
Addie and I had lost touch since camp days, and I wasn’t sure how she’d react when I called and told her I was moving here. But from the moment I drove up to Mason Auto with steam hissing out from under the hood of the shitbox car I’d bought off some guy’s front lawn with the sign “As is” plastered on the front windshield, it was as if no time had passed between us.
The porch railing creaked as Jaeg shifted his weight. “Sorry about this mess.” He crossed his arms over his broad chest, and the tattoos running the length of his arms popped against his white T-shirt. “I didn’t expect Gate to come back, but he never lasts longer than a couple weeks.”
“Lasts?” I asked. It sounded as if he didn’t like it here. But then why have a house here?
“He never sticks around long. That’s why his damn house still isn’t finished.” The porch railing groaned as he leaned more of his weight on it. “A few days, a week, and he’ll be back hunting the bad guys.”
