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Did Valentina know, or did her new husband and Kai decide to take care of things on their own? It’s a question I want an answer to, along with the details on how they died. I want to know every little detail, but mostly, I want to know how much they suffered. It would never be enough, but I still need to hear it.
Standing is hard, between the ache in my bones and the heavy grating anger firing through me. I’m a little dizzy and stumble on the way to the bedroom door, tripping over my ripped-off blankets. My shoulder hits the door first, and I lean into it as I cup the door handle.
My knees are shaking, and I stare down at my fingers also shaking as I attempt to open the door. I don’t get anywhere, and I realize it’s because I’m leaning on it. It takes a minute to get my feet under me, and I try again. Nothing. The door doesn’t budge.
I’m trapped.
This is another nightmare, right? I shake the knob, but nothing happens.
No. I can’t be trapped. No. No.
I jerk the door, slamming my hand into it as if that will shimmy it loose from the frame despite my desperate tug on the cold brass knob.
“Open, fucking open!” I yell, knowing if anyone else were here, I’d sound like a fucking psychopath right now. Between the screaming and the yelling at inanimate objects, I’m prime for the nuthouse.
It doesn’t matter because I know Kai won’t let me go. Adrian, Valentina, no one will let me go anywhere, even if I wanted to.
I am just as trapped by my own mind as I am by the people around me, the people who claim they are protecting me. We left the city because of the danger, and now I’m even more trapped on a mountain in the snow with nowhere to go and no way out except by Kai’s grace and help.
How did I allow this? “Open up! Please fucking open up!” I shout at the door, pounding on it, then slamming the flat of my fist against it even though it stings.
I don’t care if it hurts. One more pain in the wash of it through my body at the moment. One more sensation that will dull later, leaving me empty and hopeless.
A sob rips from my throat, and I clasp my red hand over my mouth, stifling another one. No, I might scream, but I won’t let them see me cry, not today, not so fresh after that nightmare.
A laugh bubbles up from some unhinged part of me, merging with my tears. There’s no one here to see me cry. No one to care if I’m raving like a crazy person or throwing myself off the cold, snowy balcony to be bear food. No one gives a shit, and maybe they’d be better off without me.
I cast my eyes back toward the balcony doors, curling my hand around my jaw now, needing to hold on to something.
Pounding reaches me from somewhere, echoing through the room and in my own head. It takes me a minute to realize I’m not hitting the door anymore, then another second for the door to shake enough that I take a few steps back.
It slams inward, hitting the wall hard, and I’m grabbed up in two heavy hands before I can get my bearings. I fight on instinct now, never again letting myself be the complacent little victim Sal turned me into before the end.
I slam my hand up into a face, a man’s face by the stubble on his jaw, and scramble back, but he’s got me off-balance, or maybe that’s me between the pain and the nightmares, off-balance and unhinged.
I hit the ground hard, only saved from a solid head knock by the covers I’d left on the floor when I scrambled for the door earlier.
The hands grab my arms, and I fight, squeezing my eyes closed, scratching, clawing, whatever it takes to get the weight of the man off my body and away from me.
Deep cursing comes from him, but I don’t give an inch, using my legs and heels to dig into his calves, his feet, kicking, anything to make him release me so I can get away.
A muffled, “Fuck,” is uttered almost against my face, which makes me struggle harder.
“For fuck’s sake, Rose, wake the hell up,” Kai says in my face, his hot breath fanning against my mouth.
I open my eyes and scan his face, taking in his features, needing to see it’s him and no one else. It doesn’t matter. I’d have still fought even him, but now I freeze, going still under him, loosening the hold I have on his legs with mine.
He leans in so he can stare into my eyes. His eyes look almost black in the dark. “What the fuck are you doing?”
I try to force an answer, to explain, anything, but no words come out. Another hot shameful tear rolls down my cheek. His eyes shift to track it, then his hands loosen on their hold around my wrists.
“Fuck,” he whispers, this time with less vehemence.
I shudder underneath him, for the first time feeling exactly how our bodies fit together, how his heavy muscled weight is aligned with my body exactly where he’d be if he intended to…
I rotate my wrists, intent on peeling them out of his grasp, which only makes him tighten his hold. “Hold on a moment.”
Leaning up to get in his face, I yell, “Get the fuck off me now.”
