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He’d stopped at seven, long enough to ask Riley if she wanted something to eat, to which she’d shrugged and slumped down on the sectional sofa, closing her eyes as though to make a point.
He’d ordered pizza. She hadn’t come when he called, but when he went out to pour himself a drink twenty minutes ago, he noticed three slices had disappeared. At least she was eating – that was one thing to be grateful for.
Nate glanced at the framed photograph on his desk. It had followed him from office to office for years, starting in the cramped room above his first coffee shop, before moving on to bigger rooms as his business grew. For the past four years it had been on his large polished oak desk in downtown Seattle, where he’d had the best view over the city.
It was a photograph of a small child with a huge gap-toothed smile. That’s how he remembered Riley as a little girl – she laughed so much and so loudly you couldn’t help but join in. He could have closed his eyes and picked her out just from hearing her chuckles. When was the last time he’d heard those?
In those days he’d only seen her on the weekends and during the holidays. He’d leave the coffee shop early on Friday afternoon and make the drive north to Mount Vernon, where Riley lived with her mom, and pick her up before turning right around to take her back to Seattle. On Saturday she’d help him open the shop, laying out the pastries with concerted effort, remembering not to lick her gloved fingers in between each one.
She’d long since stopped coming with him to work. In the past couple of years, she’d barely wanted to come and visit with him in Seattle at all. He’d understood her reluctance – all her friends were in Mount Vernon, along with the gymnastics studio she trained at four times a week. What thirty-something old father could compete with that?
And then suddenly, shockingly, they were forced together. Two people who had only ever spent short periods of time with each other. Along with this massive grief that his daughter carried with her and Nate had no idea how to deal with.
Nor did Riley. So she did everything she could to show the world she was angry at it. And now they’d moved almost a thousand miles south to California. It had felt like a good idea swapping the city for the beach. Taking Riley to a much smaller town that had less crime and a lot more fresh air. But his daughter clearly disagreed. He should be used to that by now – they disagreed on pretty much everything. And yet he couldn’t help but feel frustrated at their lack of understanding.
He drained his glass, standing up and carrying it out of the office to the kitchen, where he put it in the dishwasher drawer. Then he closed the pizza box, sliding it into the refrigerator in case Riley decided to creep down for a midnight snack. He shook his head at the contents of the fridge – everything in there looked unhealthy. A trip to the grocery store was in their very near future.
He might be failing her in every other way, but he could at least look after her nutrition.
Flicking the lights off in the hallway, he set the alarm for the doors, softly padding down the hallway to his bedroom. Riley’s room was two doors down from his – he’d deliberately given her that room so she could have some privacy. He stopped outside it, breathing softly as he wondered whether to knock on her door or not.
Then he heard it. A loud sob followed by a shuddering breath and it cut right through him. Nate swallowed hard, his chest aching. He knocked on the door and pushed it open. Riley was curled up on her bed, her body shaking as she cried, her hands covering her face in an attempt to muffle the sound.
This time he didn’t hesitate for a moment. He walked right over and scooped her up, holding his daughter against his chest, stroking her hair as she wept. He dropped his face into her hair, whispering that it was okay, that she was okay, mumbling little tiny words that didn’t seem like enough at all.
And right then she was the same little girl he’d once known. The one who clung to him when she was scared, and jumped into his arms when she was happy. And right now, she was desperately sad and he had no idea how to make things better.
But he’d promised himself that he wouldn’t stop trying.
4
Ally pulled up short on the sand and bent in two, her lungs working overtime as she gasped for air.
Three days. That’s all it had been since she’d last worked at the café, and yet it was long enough to feel like she was going crazy. She’d cleaned her condo from top to bottom, and the local Goodwill had been the lucky recipient of six huge bags full of clothes and accessories she’d managed to clear out in her desperate attempts to keep herself busy.
Her whole body ached, not only from the constant activity at home, but also from the grueling runs she’d been going on, each one longer than the last. Yet none of them had managed to remove the constant fizzing from her veins. That’s how she used to try and describe it to her mom when she was little. It was as though somebody had removed all the blood from her and replaced it with bottles of soda, the liquid making her limbs feel jittery and desperate to keep moving.
She’d been eight when that feeling first started. Her pediatrician had run test after test before referring her to the child psychologist, suggesting it may be a psychosomatic response to her parents’ then recent divorce. But her mom had baulked at the psychologist’s suggestion of putting Ally on medication, choosing instead to try and help her daughter with a combination of exercise and meditation. For the most part she’d succeeded, too. Though Ally had been more active than the average child, her energy had been manageable.
It was only in recent years that it had gotten worse again. And right now it was almost excruciating to stand still for too long. She had to keep moving or she’d explode.
Her phone ringing was a welcome distraction. She grabbed it immediately, a warm feeling washing over her when she saw Ember’s name on the screen.
“Hey.” She couldn’t help but smile. Ember did that to people.
“Hey. Are you okay?” Ember asked. “I thought I’d give you a call while I have a break.” Ember worked as a Kindergarten teacher at Angel Sands Elementary School. A glance at Ally’s watch told her it was lunch time there. “I stopped by at your place after work last night but you weren’t there.”
“I was probably at Goodwill.” For her t
hird visit. “Or maybe I was running.”
“You can’t have been running. You went out yesterday morning, remember? Lucas said he saw you on the beach.”
And that’s exactly where she was right now. Unlacing her shoes ready to run all the way over to Silver Bay and back again to feel the rush of air through her lungs. “I’ve been running twice a day,” she admitted. “It’s too lovely out here to be cooped up indoors all day.”
Ember laughed. “Tell me about it. The children are driving me crazy. I could barely get their attention this morning. They were too busy looking out of the window to listen to me.”
Ally knew exactly how they felt. She could remember the agony of having to sit still at school, completely unable to concentrate on what the teacher was saying at the front of the class. No wonder she’d had to work so hard to keep up her grades. And thank goodness for athletics club. Not to mention gymnastics and swim team.
