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“I wish it was that easy,” Ally said.
“It is that easy. What’s stopping you?” Ember finished her coffee and put the cup on the table in front of them.
“The same thing that stopped you when you fell for Lucas, I expect,” Brooke said to Ember. “Fear.”
“I’m not afraid,” Ally protested, her brows knitting together. “What makes you say that? I’ve dated, I’ve had boyfriends. I’m not afraid of being with somebody.”
“When was the last time you had a serious relationship?” Brooke asked. She was always so gentle, and yet her words cut deep.
“I don’t know.” Ally bit her lip. “It’s been a while. Angel Sands is very short on good looking guys.” She glanced over at Ember. “Even you had to widen your search if I recall.”
“It’s not the good looking guys that’s the problem,” Brooke told her. “It’s the fact you didn’t feel very much for them.”
As much as Ally hated to admit it, she was right. Casual dating was easy when your heart wasn’t on the line. If you didn’t care if they led to another date or not. When you weren’t spending your time constantly checking your messages to see if they were thinking of you.
But there was nothing casual about the way she felt toward Nate. Seeing him every day made her leg muscles quiver with the need to run it off. It made her chest ache in a way she couldn’t ever remember feeling.
“I’m scared,” she admitted, her voice small. “So scared of getting hurt. Scared I’ll mess this up the way I mess everything up and I’ll end up at rock bottom again.” Her voice wobbled with emotion, and tears stung at her eyes.
“Oh, sweetie.” Brooke scooted off her chair and knelt in front of Ally’s, enveloping her in a hug. “Of course you’re scared. You’ve been through so much. But if you let fear stop you from doing anything you’ll never let yourself be open to happiness.”
“She’s right,” Ember said, her voice thick as though she was crying, too. “I should know. I was scared of telling Lucas how I felt. Imagine if I hadn’t. We wouldn’t be living together now.”
Ally wiped her tears away, not wanting to stain Brooke’s blouse. It felt strange to be this honest about her emotions. She’d spent more than a decade covering them up, not wanting people to see how she was really hurting inside. She never wanted to burden them with her fears.
Brooke leaned back, flipping her blonde hair over her shoulder before cupping Ally’s wet face with the palm of her hands. “You’re a catch,” she told her. “You’re beautiful, you’re funny, and you work harder than anybody I know. And even though you don’t like us to see it, we know how much you care. So does Riley, and she knows you won’t do anything to hurt her.”
“Of course you won’t,” Ember agreed. “It would be like hurting yourself. She’d be lucky to have somebody like you dating her dad.”
“I think we might be going too far here,” Ally said, her voice gritty with tears. “I have no idea how he feels about me.”
“Well the main thing right now is to decide what you feel,” Brooke said, smiling at her. “It’s the only thing you have control over.”
“You’re right. How did you get so wise?” Ally asked her, allowing her lips to curl up in a watery smile.
“At prenatal classes.” Brooke shrugged. “They take you aside and tell you all the secrets of the universe.” She folded her arms in front of her. “If you’d both just listen to me more often, you’d be a lot happier.”
Ally laughed again, and it felt good. She felt lighter, too, despite the cast on her leg. As though she could breathe easily again without worrying that her chest was going to explode. Maybe Brooke was right.
She had no idea how N
ate really felt about her. Whether that touch the other night meant anything at all. But maybe, just maybe, if she tried to relax and enjoy the ride, good things could happen too.
And if that didn’t work? Well at least she could blame Brooke and her damn prenatal classes.
13
Lifting her head from the pillow, Ally checked her watch. It was only 9 p.m., but fatigue was already weighing her down. The past few evenings she’d been like this – lethargic and slow after dinner, and then at midnight it was as though somebody had turned a switch on inside her and flooded her with lights. She’d sleep fitfully through the night, all ready to be tired again the next evening.
Maybe it had been a good thing Nate had been working late since Monday. Something to do with a quarterly business meeting with the bank, or so he’d told her as he ran out of the door early that morning, muttering something about needing to check some spreadsheets. By the time he’d gotten home in the evenings, she’d inevitably been in bed, and he’d wished her goodnight from the doorway – never once venturing into her bedroom.
Ally didn’t mind. She’d felt calmer ever since she’d talked with Ember and Brooke. There was no fight going on inside her anymore and it was liberating. Whatever happened with Nate happened. But she wasn’t going to resist the pull to him anymore.
“Hey.” Riley walked into her bedroom. “I’m bored. Want me to paint your toenails?” She lifted a bag full of brightly colored polishes.
Ally wiggled her toes. The movement didn’t hurt anymore. “How did you guess they needed painting?” she asked. “Is it something to do with all the chipped color on there?”
Riley shrugged. “Nope. I heard you complaining about your pedicure on the phone.”
