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“Not yet, but the teacher promised us we’d have them tomorrow. And school was good.” Riley put her fork down and looked up at him. “Actually, I have something to ask you. My friends are going to the movies on Saturday night and they’ve asked me to join them. We’ll only be gone for a few hours.” She looked up with hope in her eyes. “Can I go?”
“You’re still grounded,” Nate reminded her. “It’s been less than two weeks since you tried to jump off a cliff. So the answer’s no,” he said firmly.
“But it’s only a few hours. Laura’s mom’s going to take us and pick us up, so you don’t have to worry about me being in a car with a teenage driver.” She pulled her lips between her teeth, worrying at them. “Please, Dad. I really want to.”
Ally looked up, curious.
“The answer’s still no,” Nate said again, his voice sharper. “Maybe another time.”
“God!” Riley cried out. “That’s so unfair. Do you know how hard it is to make friends when you’re new in town? They’ll probably never ask me again.”
“Riley.” His voice was a low warning.
“Don’t Riley me. I don’t believe this. You took me away from all my friends when we left Seattle. You don’t want me to be happy, do you? You don’t care if I don’t have anybody to talk to. I bet you like it when I’m miserable.” Her eyes flashed with an anger Ally hadn’t seen before. It made her breath catch.
“I don’t.”
Riley glared at him, her eyes flashing. “Could have fooled me.” She pushed her plate away, the silverware rattling loudly against the china. “And your steak tastes like rubber.” Standing up, she folded her arms across her chest, her eyes narrowing as she stared at him. “I’m not hungry,” she said, letting out a big huff. “I’m going to my room.”
She stomped out of the kitchen, slamming the door, and Nate stared after her, his jaw tight and eyes narrow.
Ally blew out a mouthful of air. It had been weird watching them go at it. As though she was being transported back through the years, to her dad’s old blue-and-yellow kitchen where they’d had their most electric arguments. She could feel Riley’s sense of injustice, but strangely, she could feel Nate’s frustrations, too.
“Are you okay?” she asked softly.
He raked his fingers through his hair. Like Riley, he’d abandoned his half-eaten steak. “Apart from being the worst father in the world? Yeah, I’m great.”
“You’re not the world’s worst father,” she told him. “You’re coming from a place of love. Riley might not realize that now, but she will one day.”
“Did you realize that with your dad?”
Touché. Ally looked down at her fingers, suddenly fascinated by the oval of her nail beds. The air felt loaded and heavy, as though it was full of conversations neither one of them wanted to have.
“I’m running out of ideas.” His voice was low. “I can’t seem to make her happy at all. I know she’s still grieving and it takes time, but I can’t stand seeing her so angry.” Gone was his heated expression, replaced by a lost look that tugged at her. “What should I do?”
“You’re asking me?” She shook her head. “I’m not that experienced with kids. I wish I could help you.”
“I’m asking you as someone who was in Riley’s place. What did you need from your dad? Should I be stern, should I let her get away with stuff? Tell me, because I have no idea.”
She took a moment to consider his question. “When I was in Riley’s place I felt isolated. As though nobody understood me at all. When I was with my friends I wanted them to treat me like anybody else would. I wanted to go out with them and be a teenager because as soon as I got home and my mom wasn’t there, reality was going to hit me all over again. And it hurt like hell every time it did.”
Ally wasn’t looking at him. She couldn’t. There were too many memories and emotions pushing at her chest. “But more than being isolated, I felt so damn afraid. I was a kid and yet I had to come to terms with the fact that my mom wasn’t coming back. I had to leave the only home I felt comfort in and move in with my dad. And unlike you, he had a girlfriend at the time, and she made it clear she wasn’t happy with having me there.” She rolled her shoulders, trying to loosen her tight muscles. “I was so scared he was going to make me leave. That he was going to choose her over me. And I guess it could have gone two ways – I could have tried to be the best kid ever and make him want me. But,” she lowered her voice, “what if he still didn’t?”
Nate leaned forward, but remained silent.
“So instead I went the other way,” she told him. “I kept pushing and pushing to see what the boundaries were. How bad did I have to be to make him throw me out? I needed to know. I was so used to the worst happening; it felt like it was only a matter of time before I lost my dad, too.”
“But somehow I didn’t lose him. Not then, anyway. His girlfriend moved out after a couple of months, and it was just the two of us for the next few years.” She took another deep breath in, the air pushing through her tight chest. “And I’m guessing right now Riley’s trying to see how far she can push you. She’d never admit it to anybody but she’s scared. She wants you to love her unconditionally, but she’s afraid that you don’t. She’s too old to ask for hugs, but she still wants you to offer them, even if she rejects them nine times out of ten. But more than anything, she wants to believe in you. She wants to believe you’ll always be there for her. But she believed that of her mom, too, and life stole that certainty away from her.”
She lifted her hand to wipe the tear that had begun its long roll down her cheek. Her other hand was flat on the table, resting near her water glass.
Nate’s voice was soft. “I’m so sorry.” And when she looked at him, he really was. Empathy molded his features as though he understood every emotion rushing through her.
“It happened a long time ago.” She took a deep breath. “And as it turned out, my dad left anyway.”
“You want to talk about it?”
She shook her head. “No. We’re talking about Riley.”
