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“No. I should be on my own for a while. Get used to being back in this place.” Somehow she found the right muscles to form a smile. “You guys go and enjoy the rest of your day off. You don’t get enough of them. I’ll be fine once I get some sleep. You don’t need to worry about me.”
“But I do. Worry, I mean.”
“Well you don’t need to. I’ve been through worse than this and survived. I can take a little heartbreak.”
Ember hugged her tightly. “I know,” she whispered. “But I wish you didn’t have to.”
Yeah, Ally wished that, too. If hopeless wishes were dollars she’d be a millionaire by now. It was time to stop wishing for things that were never going to happen, and concentrate on getting herself better.
She had a broken ankle to mend, as well as a broken heart. One of them seemed easy – some rest, some time, and a plaster cast to keep things all together.
The other one? Not so simple. And in the meantime she’d learn to live with the pain.
* * *
Ally’s eyes flew open, her heart banging against her chest as she looked around the unfamiliar room, trying to work out what was happening. She’d been having a dream, one where she couldn’t stop running even though her body ached and her lungs were screaming with pain. Every time she thought about slowing down her legs kept moving on.
She blinked, her eyes slowly becoming accustomed to the dark of the room. Pursing her lips, she blew out a lungful of air, but it did nothing to slow the racing of her heart. The memory of the dream lingered. It mixed in with the ache that had been in her chest ever since that phone call with Nate. Both of them reminded her that she was alone. Just Ally. She should have learned from experience she couldn’t rely on anybody else.
Nate. The thought of him was physically painful. She took another breath, holding it for a few seconds before releasing it. Her heart rate was slowing, but her body was still on high alert. She tried to turn in her bed, wincing as the cast knocked her good foot. In the end she had to lift her thigh with her hands to move it, but still she wasn’t comfortable.
Maybe this was her life now. Discomfort everywhere.
The kitchen clock was ticking, a constant click that only made her feel more alone. It couldn’t be any earlier than five in the morning. There was nobody she could talk to, nobody to call. Right now it was only her.
And she hated it.
Grabbing her phone she scrolled through the notifications. A few friends had posted on Insta since she’d fallen asleep last night, but just looking at the photographs made her feel even worse. She looked at her last message with Ember and Brooke and for a moment she considered calling them just to hear a friendly voice.
No. That wasn’t fair to them. They both had their own lives, and they both needed to get up early in the morning. As much as they loved her, neither of them needed to hear her tales of woe right now.
Her eyes scanned down the list of chats. She could see Riley’s message from when she’d been in LA. Ally squeezed her eyes shut at the memory of that night.
And then she saw his name. She didn’t need to click on the chat to see what was said. She could remember every conversation they’d had by heart. Even the written ones. Anyway, the last thing he’d sent her was the me
ssage saying he’d arrived in Boston. The kind of message that happened every day between couples – they probably never thought twice about it.
But for a moment in time she’d felt like one of them. Taken care of, maybe even loved.
And now it was gone.
It hurt. So much. Even breathing in made her wince with the pain. She’d heard of heartache but never thought it was a real, physical thing. But unless she was dying, that’s exactly what she was feeling.
Shaking her head, she pressed the trashcan icon and deleted those messages. Then she blocked him, the way Ember had shown her. There was no way her heart could stand any contact from him right now.
Her eyes fell to one final contact, lingering there as she tried to block out the pain. Then, without letting herself think about it too hard, she pressed her finger down on it to make a call.
It went straight to voicemail, like she knew it would. And maybe it was better that way for now. There was so much emotion involved. She needed to talk without feeling afraid of being hurt again.
As soon as the message ended she took a deep breath, letting the oxygen surge through her. It was time to talk. Beyond time. And if he’d broken her trust before it didn’t negate the love she knew he felt for her.
“Daddy? It’s Ally. Can you call me back when you get this message?”
28
Her dad had called her back while she was asleep, leaving a message that he’d call again that afternoon. It was strange, but she felt so much calmer now. And unwilling to hide away from the world forever.
She was stronger than that. Amazing what sleep could do for the soul.
