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But not for the past few months.
“I’m not doing so good,” she admitted.
He took a deep breath, his warm eyes still on hers. “I’m so sorry to hear that.” He leaned forward to put his half-drunk mug on the table between them. “And I’m really sorry that I’m the one who caused it.”
She opened her mouth to tell him he wasn’t, but shut it. Because truthfully it was partly his fault. Not because he’d sold the café to Nate – although that was why the man had entered her life – but because he’d hurt her first, and that made her current pain even worse.
He slid his fingers together, wringing at them. “I’ve been a bad father. I know it.” He looked up at her through his lashes. “Lorne knows it, too, and hasn’t wasted any time telling me.”
“That’s the best thing about friends,” Ally said, thinking of Brooke and Ember. “They always tell you the truth.”
Her dad gave a little chuckle. “That’s no word of a lie.”
She sat up straighter. What was it she’d told herself that morning? She was strong in spite of her pain. Or maybe because of it – she’d been through worse and gotten through it. And she owed it to herself to tell the truth.
“You did hurt me,” she told him. “Not because you went away, but because every time I asked you for help you made things worse. Then you sold the place without even asking me how I felt. After all those years working there, keeping the café going. You made me feel like I was nothing to you.”
He shook his head. “Baby, I’m sorry. So damn sorry. I hate that I hurt you. There’s no excuse for my actions.”
“So why did you do it?”
“Sell?” he asked. She nodded. “Because I had no choice. It was either that or the bank was going to foreclose.”
Her breath caught in her throat. “I didn’t know that. I knew things were bad, but…”
“I should have flown home to tell you face to face. Like I’m telling you now. But I was a damn coward, I never could stand to see you cry. Knowing I was the one causing it…” he trailed off, shaking his head. “It killed me.”
“You could have come home then,” she told him. “After the call.”
“I wanted to, but I was still chicken shit.” He had the good grace to look embarrassed. “I kept trying to call you but you never answered. Then when I talked to Lorne he told me to give you some time. I was ready to take the first plane home when I heard about your broken ankle, but Lorne said to stay where I was. That you were being taken care of.”
Her thoughts immediately turned to Nate. To the way he’d helped her for those few weeks. To his warm skin and soft words.
The pain was visceral.
“When I heard your message this morning I could tell from the sound of your voice that something was wrong.” He half-smiled. “It was time for me to stop being so damn weak and face what I’d done. And I know it may be too late. That you might not ever forgive me. But I’m asking you to anyway, because I love you, sweetheart.”
The way he said it made her heart swell up. She’d never seen her father so vulnerable before. It was as though they’d swapped roles and suddenly she was the strong one.
For some reason that felt good.
“I’m so sorry you got hurt,” he told her, looking down at the cast on her leg. “And I’m even more sorry I wasn’t here to help you.” He pressed his lips together in sympathy. “You’ve had a hard few weeks.”
For the first time Ally laughed. It wasn’t loud, but it was something. “You could say that.”
He shook his head. “I’ve failed you too many times. I keep letting you down and it kills me.”
“When have you failed me?” she asked. “Before now I mean?”
“When your mom and I split up. I’ll never forget your face when we told you.” His voice wobbled. “You were so tiny and so sad, and it was all my fault.”
“It wasn’t your fault. I just didn’t understand that yet.”
“Then your mom died. You kept looking at me as though I could make everything better. And when I couldn’t you used to get so upset. It killed me to see you that way. If I could have given you a better dad I would have.”
“I didn’t want a better dad,” she said, her voice rough. “I never did. I only ever wanted you.”
A tear rolled down his cheek. “You deserve so much better.”
