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And he’d failed at that.
As the morning progressed into a temperate December afternoon, Breck glanced at the watch on his tanned wrist. The ceremony would be over by now. They’d all be sitting down to eat; Caitie, Lucas, their family and friends. Laughter and love surrounding a single empty chair.
His chair.
For the past twelve years he’d associated Christmas with loss and pain. With that terrible day when he’d lost his mom and his entire world had fallen apart. But now the wound was fresh and deeper than it had ever been. He didn’t know if it would ever heal again.
Each memory of her face and her touch would make it split open a little more.
He could feel his breath becoming labored, the way it had when he’d listened to the Christmas music. His chest was tight, too. He needed to do something to stave off the panic, so he pulled on his running shorts and a shirt, slipping his feet into soft shoes made for jogging on the sand. Maybe a swift five miles would help clear his mind. God knew nothing else was doing the trick.
As he was about to leave the bungalow, his cellphone rang. Reaching out for it, he felt his heart start to race. A hundred possibilities rushed through his mind; it could be Caitie, wanting to kill him, or Lucas wanting to do the same. Then again it could be Griff or Jack, wanting to yell at his stupidity.
Seeing his dad’s name on the screen was almost a letdown. He considered ignoring it, but thought better. Even a few minutes of conversation had to be better than the maelstrom in his mind.
“Hey, Dad.”
“I caught you. I wasn’t sure you’d be able to answer your phone. Maria and I are about to get on our flight to Miami. I wanted to check in with you before we did.” A loud speaker interrupted his words, silencing him for a moment. Thirty seconds later, he continued, “Sorry about that. Anyway, how’s the wedding?”
A lump the size of an island formed in Breck’s throat. Should he lie to put his dad’s mind at rest? But in spite of everything he’d done, he was never a good liar. Great at breaking hearts, but a fail when it came to telling untruths. “Yeah, I didn’t go.”
“Why not?” An edge of concern slipped into his dad’s voice. “Are you sick?”
To his core, but that was self-inflicted. “No, it’s not that.” Breck sat down on the couch. “I, ah… I messed up, Dad. I did something terrible. I hurt somebody I care so deeply about. And I have no idea what to do about it.”
“You want me to fly over there?” David asked, his voice full of concern. “I can change my ticket, and be there in an instant.”
“No!” Breck was touched at his father’s offer, but the thought of ruining yet another person’s Christmas made him feel even worse. “Dad, you’re about to spend Christmas with your girlfriend. There’s no way you can let her down.”
“Son, if you need me I’ll be on the next flight. Maria will understand. It’s what parents do.”
His dad’s simple offer made Breck want to cry. Thirteen years ago he’d done the exact same thing, flying out to Angel Sands to help his sons at Christmas, and things hadn’t really changed much. “Honestly, Dad, I’ll be fine. I need to take a couple of days to think about things.”
“I hate to think of you all alone on Christmas.”
Breck’s laugh was short. “I’m on my own every Christmas.”
“And I hate it every year. But this year is even worse. I haven’t heard you so down in a long, long time.”
Thirteen years, probably. But Breck was trying not to think about that. “Yeah, well this is all self-inflicted, so don’t feel sorry for me. I pretty much want to punch myself.”
“You wanna talk about it?” David asked. “We’ve got another hour until boarding, and Maria’s gone off to window shop.”
Breck opened his mouth, determined to say no, but closed it. Keeping things bottled up hadn’t worked out so well for him thus far. “I don’t even know where to start, Dad. I’m a mess. I can’t believe what I did to her.”
“Well, you can start by telling me who she is.”
“Cait,” Breck said softly. “Caitlin Russell. You met her at Thanksgiving.”
“Little Caitie? Lucas’s sister?” David clarified. “Something’s going on between the two of you?”
Breck slumped further into the couch cushions, rubbing his neck with the palm of his hand. He had some explaining to do.
Breck carefully filled his father in on how he and Caitie had fallen for each other. As ashamed as he was, he left nothing out, not even the crazy way he’d left the hotel.
“Wow,” his dad said, as soon as Breck had finished his story. “You’ve really gotten yourself in a mess, haven’t you?”
“Yeah, you could say that.” He squeezed his eyes shut, overwhelmed by how much he’d messed things up.
