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She wondered what it would be like to be one of his patients. He was so calm, so capable. Almost impossible not to be in love with.
And yet she had to try.
When the machine finished measuring her blood pressure it gave a beep, the cuff slowly loosening. James looked at the monitor, his brows knitting together.
“Any change?” she asked him.
“It’s a little better than yesterday but still too high. Are you feeling any other symptoms? Nausea, dizziness?”
“No.”
“Any swelling of your hands or feet?” He took her right hand in his, looking down as he turned it over, before he repeated it with the other. It was strangely intimate, the way he was looking at her. He might have only touched her on her arms and hands and yet her whole body was tingling.
Stupid, treacherous body.
“Nothing more than usual. I swear my feet have grown since I got pregnant. I’m living in sandals.”
“That happens sometimes.”
“Will they ever shrink back?”
“It depends. But maybe it’s a good excuse to buy new shoes.” He smiled at her. “How are you sleeping?”
“Badly. And you?” She raised an eyebrow.
“The same.” He sighed. “Is there anything I can do to take some of the burden off you? I can’t sew, but I’m great at transporting stuff in my car.”
She lifted the lid from her coffee and took a sip. “Mmm. You want some?” she asked him.
“I drank mine on the way.”
“Was Ally there?”
“Yep. She says hi. So did Nate.”
Harper smiled. “Thank you for bringing this,” she said, unwrapping the muffin. “I have a feeling this little baby is going to come out looking like a blueberry.”
James laughed. “We’ll still love her though, right?”
Her heart clenched. “Yeah, we will.”
He ran the pad of his finger along his jaw. “Harper…”
“Yeah?”
“I’m so sorry about the other week. About scaring you when you saw Alice, and not telling her about you and the baby before she flew in. I never meant to hurt you.”
“I know you didn’t.” Harper looked up at him. “But I was hurt.”
He nodded. “I know you were, and I hate myself for it. I keep thinking that if I’d done things differently maybe you wouldn’t be dealing with high blood pressure. That it’s all my fault.” He glanced down at the counter, letting out a mouthful of air. She wanted to run her fingers through his hair, make that frown disappear. But she couldn’t. Not if she wanted to stay sane. She needed to keep her promise to herself.
No more hurts.
She pressed her lips together, trying to sort through her thoughts. “I think I expected too much,” she told him. “It’s none of my business who you tell about the baby. As long as you’re a good dad to her, that’s all I can ask for. And I know you’ll be wonderful.”
“I want more than that.”
Her throat tightened. How many times had she longed to hear those words? To know he wanted her the way she wanted him? But he had his own demons to fight, ones that kept pulling him back to the darkness, and she couldn’t fight them for him.
