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I feel a flush creep up my chest. “Did he?”
Stuart slumps back in his chair. “Yeah. I'm sorry to hear that.”
“Okay...” I still don't have the slightest hint of where this is going. All I know is it's awkward as hell.
“But you're better now, right?”
For the first time, he holds my gaze. I hadn't noticed how steel blue his eyes were before. I have noticed that they always seem rimmed with red.
“Not exactly,” I say. “I'm having good days and bad days. The doctor says it will take a while for things to calm down.”
Stuart nods rapidly while I tell him this. His fingers are tapping out a beat on his mug, now. “But you'll be okay while Alex is away?”
I soften. His question is kind of sweet, in a weird way. “I'll be fine. I've got my friends and family to take care of me. Not to mention being busy at work and with Max.”
A smile pulls at his lips. “That's good, right?”
“Sure.” It's been great, actually. Everybody's rallied round since I told them about my depression. The first weekend Alex is away I'm going to visit my dad. A few weekends after that, Tina's organised a big family picnic. I may be a lot of things while he is on tour, but bored isn't likely to be one of them.
“So, I wanted to ask you a favour. Actually the whole band does.” He puts his empty mug on the coffee table. “Alfie, too,” he adds.
“What sort of favour?” I ask, imagining taking delivery of stuff, or taking care of their girlfriends.
“It's about Alex, really. You know what he gets like before a gig? All angry and wound up? Well, I'm guessing he's going to be like that constantly while we're on tour.”
I swallow nervously, saying nothing. In spite of the sugar, the tea leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
“Well, I know what you two can be like. When you...” He trails off, tugging at his hair. “When you, um, rile him up, there's no getting through to him. And that will be a real nightmare for us all.”
The apples of my cheeks start to burn. We really aren't that bad. Maybe the past couple of months have been hard, but Stuart is exaggerating. “What do you want me to do?” I ask through gritted teeth.
“Maybe try not to talk to him that much. Don't say anything that will make him react. He's nervous as hell, the last thing we need is for him to be worrying about you as well as everything else.”
So this isn't about me at all. Stuart’s not concerned about my welfare, or whether Max and I will be okay on our own. He's scared I'm going to do something to affect the band.
“I don't plan on upsetting him.”
“Do you ever plan on it? Do you know how long it took to persuade him to go on stage at the festival? He was pulling his hair out, thinking he'd upset you. If he does that on tour then that's it. We'll have blown our big chance. Everything we've been working for all these years.” He leans forward, staring at me. “I know you want what's best for him,” he says softly. “And keeping him calm is what's best.”
Slowly I nod, even though I’m raging inside. As much as I hate to admit it, Stuart's right. At the moment, I'm volatile enough for the both of us. I know Alex will be nervous as hell, the last thing he needs is me shouting or crying down the phone.
“So you'll help?” Stuart asks. “All you have to do is reassure him everything's okay, like you know it will be. And if there's a problem you don't want to upset him with, you can call me or Alfie. We can either sort something out or work out the right way to deal with him.”
My throat constricts. I've been so wrapped up in myself and Max, I've not thought about how Alex must be feeling. And of course he's excited—it's their big break, who wouldn't be—but he has to be scared, too.
What kind of wife am I? I make a vow that for the last two nights I'm going to hold him close, try and show him how much I care. “Of course I'll help.”
“Really?” Stuart’s eyes light up. “Shit. Thank you.”
“No problem.” I flash him a smile, and remind myself it's only three months. It'll be over before I know it.
Yeah, right.
“I guess I'd better get back. The guys will be wondering where I am. They can't keep time for shit without me.” Stuart stands up, glancing sideways down at Max. “Thanks for being so understanding.”
I give him an unconvincing smile and show him out, scooping Max up on the way. As I get him ready for bed—bathing him and reading a story—I realise I'm already feeling like a single parent and Alex hasn't even gone yet.
The thought makes my chest ache.
