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“Not as much as Niall,” Beth says drily, as her boyfriend leaves the room, mumbling about leaving us girls to it. Leaning forward, she whispers into my ear. “He's gone baby mad. Keeps asking me when we're going to try.”
My eyes widen. “Really?” I don't know why I'm surprised. Beth's almost thirty and Niall's two years older. “I thought you said Allegra was enough for now.”
Beth sighs. “She is. What with my degree and looking after her I'm not sure where I'd fit in a baby. But Niall's adamant he wants one soon. He's even said he'll stay home and do the child care. Reckons he could fit his painting around it.”
I try not to laugh. I can remember thinking how easy it would be to have a newborn. That I'd get loads done while I was on maternity leave. As it turned out I was a slave to Max's needs, either feeding, burping, or changing him.
“What do you think?” I ask.
She makes a face. “I think I can barely keep things afloat as it is. As much as I want to make Niall happy, he might have to wait a couple of years. It's not as if I'm running out of time or anything, is it?”
“Wise words.” I reach across and rub her arm. “Having a baby is hard work, it has to be something you're both ready for.” I wince as I say it, remembering Alex's accusation. That I wanted Max more than he did. For the first time I wonder if he's deliberately trying to sabotage things between us; smoking, touring, having pretty girls sitting on his lap, while I have a baby sitting on mine.
If that’s what he’s doing, then he’s making a good job of it.
* * *
We spend Saturday at the beach. The sun beats down, the September haziness almost pushed back by a cool, easterly wind. Allegra runs around collecting stones while Max shuffles himself across the picnic blanket, making mad lunges for shells that he promptly tries to stuff in his mouth. Every time I prise them out of his hands he protests with a squeal, turning his lips down in angry protest.
When we get back to the cottage that night, we’re all feeling a little tender, our faces chapped from the wind, with hair thick and matted from the spray that carried in the breeze. After a day of gossiping, I feel on an even keel, able to laugh off mentions of Alex's antics, giving them both as I get when they tease me about my rock star husband.
After a tea of egg and chips, Beth disappears to help Allegra bathe, while Max and I snuggle up on the sofa. He slurps hungrily from the warm bottle of milk, his lips forming a vacuum on the teat. I'm staring at his downy head when a movement in the corner of the room catches my eye. I turn my head to investigate.
Niall is perched on the arm of the chair, his pencil flying across a blank page of his sketch pad.
“What are you doing?” I whisper, not wanting to disturb Max. His body has relaxed. His face taken on a sleepy glow.
“Sketching.” He tilts his head to the side, cross hatching in a shadow.
“Let me see.”
He chuckles and looks down at his pad. “You're as bad as Beth. She used to hound me when we were at university.”
I raise my eyebrows. He rarely mentions that time, neither of them do. They met at university during Beth's first year, but then their close friend died from an overdose and they both ended up getting expelled. By the time they saw each other again—nine years later—Beth was married to somebody else. I remember back to last year, when Beth's marriage was falling apart, and how hard she fell for Niall.
If the two of them could overcome that, surely Alex and I can work through our problems.
“Does she still hound you?” I like the way he talks about her. He's a man in love and not afraid to show it.
“About everything.” His lips twitch, as if he's remembering something funny. “Between her and Allegra I rarely get a moment’s peace.”
“Is that a problem for you?”
This time he looks up and catches my eye. “Not at all. I love every minute of it. They're my girls.”
The way he says it, so naturally, makes me want to sigh. ”I wish Alex felt that way.”
Niall frowns. “Of course he does. He loves you. Both of you.” He puts his pad to the side. “Is that photo still bothering you?”
I shrug. “I guess so. I know he wouldn't cheat on me. He isn't like that. But it's the fact he looks so casual, that it isn't a big deal. It makes me wonder if he really knows me at all.”
Beth chooses that moment to walk in. “Everything okay?”
“She's still worried about that picture,” Niall tells her.
“I'm not worried. It niggles, you know? I know he's still smoking weed and didn't even remember to sort his phone out. All these things that show me he doesn't really care what I think.”
“You're reading too much into it.” Beth shakes her head. “He's not doing it deliberately. Maybe he's going through a midlife crisis a bit early. Most guys get a sports car or a motorbike, Alex decides to become a rock star.”
