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There's silence as he takes a sip of coffee. “I've been working,” he finally admits. “They've offered me a permanent job.”
“On a building site??
?
His lip curls up. “Yeah. It's not something I want to do forever, but it'll do while I'm looking around for something better.”
I look at him carefully. “What do you want to do?”
“Whatever it takes to make you happy.” His eyes don't waver from mine. “I don't really give a shit about the job or anything else. I only want to look after you and Max. Make everything okay. Get my family back.”
He's so earnest I can almost taste it. Leaning forward, his elbows on his thighs, hands clasped together. I want to believe him, I'm so close to it, I simply need to take that final leap of faith.
But I'm scared; that's what it all comes down to. The fear he'll turn around and tell me Max and I have stolen his dreams, his life; the things he always wanted. I don't want to be the one who holds him back.
He shifts in his seat and scratches his chin with his left hand. He's still wearing his wedding ring.
For better or for worse.
We've been through both. In the long months since Max was born, I think we've challenged the hell out of it. My depression, Alex's dreams. They all added up to a calamitous result.
“What about the band?”
“It's over.” His reply is unequivocal. “I'm not going back.”
“Is that your choice?”
“It was mutual. I don't want to be in the band, I have things that are more important, and Stuart understands that now.” Alex glances down at his right hand. For the first time, I do, too. His knuckles are red and raw. Livid red flesh peeks out from beneath his torn skin.
“What did you do?” I breathe. “Your poor hand...”
“Stuart came over last night to apologise for not telling me about Max.” For the first time, Alex looks embarrassed. “I didn't accept his apology.”
“You hit him?” I don't know how to feel about that. I'm so against violence, and yet if anybody deserved a whack, it's Stuart. The bastard kept Alex away from us when we needed him most.
Alex leans closer still. “Only once. But I caught his teeth. That's how my hand ended up being so... mangled. Not that his teeth were much better.”
“Did you knock them out?” I ask.
“No.”
“That's a shame.” I've changed my mind, I know how to feel and I'm bloody happy. It's a pity I wasn't there to see it. With his smug smile and his lying tongue, Stuart deserves to be beaten up a bit. “So it's over?”
“It's over.”
I breathe in deeply, knowing I've been waiting forever to taste fresh oxygen. My chest expands, letting the air in, and all I can think is thank God.
Alex is still looking at me, his eyes trained on my face, unblinking. He doesn't say a word, simply watches as I take it all in.
I’m trying to work out what this all means.
“Are you okay with that?”
“Absolutely.”
“You're not going to turn around one day and think you missed your chance at fame? Or start blaming me and Max?”
He tips his head to the side. “Babe, I don't know how to make it any clearer. I don't want fame. I don't want to make it big. I only want to be with you and Max, however you'll have me.” He looks down, thick lashes sweeping his cheeks. “When I saw that coffin today, and how that woman threw herself at it, all I could think of was Max. How close we came to losing him. How I wasn't there to hold you when I should have been.” His voice wavers on the final sentence. Enough to make my eyes water.
