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“Yes. What if I chose to marry you? Like it was supposed to be. Before going up north. I could learn to accept your beliefs,” I said in the same soft voice. My head was screaming at me. This wasn’t right. But this was it. If I got away, they’d only find me again. It was time to change up the plan. His stare felt like he was trying to read my mind. I was relieved it was dark, even though I lied better than I used to. Reaching out, I grabbed his hand.
“You were my soul mate. My one and only. This past year has changed me, but we could get back to it again. It might take me a while to feel the same. But I could love you again.”
I held my breath as I waited for him to say something. My life depended on it. Even if I did get away, I couldn’t live how I had been. It was too lonely an existence. There had to be another way. And this was it.
“You would be mine again?” Alex finally asked after minutes of silence.
I ignored the pit in my stomach. Ignored the loathing I had when I looked at him.
“Yes. I’m not saying it would be like before right away. But I would make you happy. We’d be happy.”
I caught Niko’s expression in the mirror; his jaw had dropped.
“And what if you’re just saying this until you have a chance to run again?” Alex asked with a frown.
“I’m not. I’ll stay with you. Living in hiding was horrible. I can’t go back to that. I wasn’t even able to hide for a year. You would just find me again anyway. Disappearing isn’t an option anymore,” I said as tears sprang to my eyes. It wasn’t hard to force emotion when I had so much built up inside.
“I don’t know if I can trust you.”
“We’re both going to have to build up trust again. We can do it together.”
Alex looked back out the window, signaling that the conversation was over. I let him think about it in silence. He had to come to the decision on his own. But I kept holding his hand. To show that I still cared. That I could touch him without cringing. We sat like that for two hours until stopping at a rest area. It was only us and one other car. I moved to climb out but was pulled back.
“Don’t try anything.”
“I told you, I’m not running anymore. Even if I did, we’re at a rest stop. There’s nothing around for miles.”
Alex still walked with me to the unisex single bathroom and waited outside the door for me. He took me back to the car and waited for me to get back in.
“I’m going to run to the bathroom.” Alex gave Niko a knowing look. Niko nodded and slid into the back seat next to me.
I rolled my eyes. “I already said I wasn’t going to try to leave.”
“Yeah, we’ll see if that holds true,” Niko muttered as he sat down.
I watched as Alex shut the car door and, for a split second, debated convincing Niko to give me the keys. It was a fleeting thought. There was no way he’d go for it.
“What the hell are you doing, Sage?” Niko asked the second Alex left.
“What?”
“Oh, I don’t know. How about that entire convo you just had with Alex? You’re going to marry him?”
“If he wants to, then yes,” I answered as I stared out the window.
“I don’t believe you. You’re playing at something; what is it?”
“I’m not playing at anything.” I turned my head and met his eyes. “If I have the choice of living or dying, I’ll choose to live. I can be happy with him.”
He laughed cynically. “No, you can’t. You’ll fight until your last breath. So, I’ll ask again. What are you planning?”
“You don’t know me. You have no idea what I’m thinking. I’m making a choice to have a life.” Impatience was clear in my voice. I didn’t want anyone getting in the way of Alex saying yes to me.
“I know you better than my baby brother does if he actually believes you’ll ever love him again,” Niko said with suspicion written all over his face.
I didn’t answer and watched as Alex walked back and got behind the wheel. Niko was right. Not that I would ever admit it out loud. I could never love him again. Could never feel comfortable with his touch. I did have a plan. I couldn’t uncover their secrets when I was in hiding. But now I possibly had a chance to get a personal look at the society.
And try to expose them from the inside.
