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SAGE
Opening my eyes, the first thing I saw was Alex staring back at me.
“Morning,” he said as he gave me a kiss on my forehead.
“Hi,” I replied, after yawning. It felt like I’d gotten absolutely no sleep last night.
“I’m going to take a shower before I go see my dad later,” I muttered. The shower was needed to wash the night off. And hopefully, the hot water would help my aching neck.
Alex nodded and stayed in bed. I was relieved. For a second, I was worried he would want to join me.
Stepping into the shower, I didn’t move a muscle as I stood under the scorching water. Staying here was bad, but sharing a room with him made it almost intolerable. I had no personal space. Reaching for my body wash, I tossed it back down when I realized it was empty. I eyed the other two bottles before grabbing Niko’s. It was better than smelling like Alex all day.
The hot water rolled down my back as my thoughts drifted to sharing a bed with Alex. One night was hard enough. I couldn’t imagine doing it every single night. I was falling so deep into this life I wasn’t sure I’d make it out alive anymore.
My breaths started coming faster and faster. I attempted to take a deep breath but suddenly had no control of my breathing. My heartbeat was climbing, and I braced my hands on the wall for support. The room started spinning. Panic built as my body spiraled out of control.
This time I knew what it was. It was the same thing that happened in Kalamazoo. A panic attack. Niko’s face drifted through my mind as I remembered the concern he’d had. His voice. His touch. Thinking about it wasn’t enough to stop my chest from locking up. But the pressure was staying constant instead of building more.
I fell to my knees with the body wash still tight in my grip. Trying to suck in air, I focused on what Niko had done to calm me. Senses. I needed to get out of my head.
Water poured down my head, and I caught a hint of chlorine. But the scent was gone as quickly as it came. Twisting the cap off the soap, I put it under my nose and inhaled as much as I could while my chest continued to tighten. Niko’s scent surrounded me, bringing my mind away from Alex and back to last night when Niko’s lips were on my neck.
Opening my eyes, I focused on my car key that was sitting on the tub ledge. I had an escape plan if I needed one. I sat there, keeping my stare on the key. The water gurgled as it went down the drain, and I held the soap under my nose, trying to push the nightmares out of my head. After what felt like forever, I was able to start taking deep breaths.
My breathing finally returned to normal, and I dropped the body wash. Slowly standing up, I stepped out of the tub and dried off. After wiping the fog off the mirror, I stared at my reflection. My eyes were red, but nothing too noticeable. I didn’t want Alex asking if I was okay. Breaking down in front of him was something I couldn’t do. The fact that thinking of Niko helped pull me out of my panic was another thing I didn’t want to deal with.
After throwing on a pair of sweats and a tank top, I left the bathroom and crossed the hall to my room. My eyes widened, and I sucked in a breath as I stood in the doorway. All my clothes were pulled out of the dresser. My bags were emptied on the floor. My heart plummeted. The phone. I stared at the room for a full two minutes before Alex cleared his throat from the living room.
There was no point in waiting even longer. I forced my feet to move until I was at the end of the hall to see Alex sitting on the couch with my phone in his grip. A charging cord was connected to it and plugged into the wall behind him. He looked at me, and the eyes that had been full of love were gone. Replaced with the icy stare that sent chills up my spine.
“You have something to tell me?” Alex asked without breaking eye contact.
“No—”
I stopped talking and glanced over my shoulder when Niko’s door opened. His basketball shorts hung low on his hips, and his chest was bare as he rubbed his eyes. He glanced up and looked like he was about to start his usual banter until he met my gaze.
“What’s going on?” he asked, peeking past me into the living room. A look of understanding briefly crossed his face before his expression went blank. He walked over to the couch and stood where he could see both Alex and me.
“You planning on going somewhere, Sage?” Alex asked.
“Alex—no. That phone was from before you found me.” My voice was higher than normal, and I moved closer to him to try to prove my words.
“So why hide it?”
“I don’t know. Habit. I only used it to call my dad. You can look at the phone log. That’s all that’s on there,” I told him, grateful I had deleted Kiara’s information. Lying wasn’t hard anymore. There was no heat rushing to my face. My voice stayed even. I had learned something over all these long months.
Alex turned on the phone, and silent tension filled the room as it powered up. Niko’s usual grin was replaced with a pissed-off scowl. I knew he was regretting letting me keep the phone. Alex seemed to be studying my reaction. Finally, the phone was on, and I held my breath. I had checked at least three times that everything except my dad’s number was deleted. But that didn’t stop the paralyzing fear. Alex took his time looking through it. Eventually, he put it down beside him.
“If that’s all it was for, then why keep it hidden?” His voice lost the hardness.
“I didn’t really think about it. I hid it the day I got here and just forgot.”
Alex nodded. It looked like he believed me. Until he turned his attention to Niko.
“How did you not find it when you searched for the paper? You said you tore her room apart.”
“I did,” Niko ground out, his face not giving anything away, but at the same time, he didn’t try to give an explanation.
“I had it,” I spoke up, my gaze cutting back to Alex.
