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“Gavin, is this okay? Me being this close,” I whisper against his skin.
As his breath returns, his hand covers mine and holds it in place. His other arm snakes around my shoulders and hauls me closer. “Yes, better than okay. It’s just been a long time.”
I press my lips to his chest and settle against him, cocooned in his embrace. “Good night, Gavin.”
“Night, baby.”
My body is hot. Like I have been tanning in the sun for countless hours during mid-August slathered in tanning oil. Every inch consumed by heat and sweat. The sweltering heat inescapable and becoming far beyond unbearable. I may suffer heatstroke any second.
On the cusp of sleep and awake, I shift between the sheets and kick a leg out, hoping to cool my body. As I scoot closer to the edge, pushing the comforter down to my waist, the bed shifts beside me as a hand crawls across my belly.
In a matter of seconds, I go from foggy and semi-alert to eyes wide open and body hyper-aware.
A groan rumbles next to me, a weighted thigh draping over my waist, the calf falling down my leg. The black-out curtains in my room make it close to impossible to see anything in my room. Under normal circumstances, I would be ecstatic not to see a single thing in my room. But that doesn’t apply in the current situation.
Moving as slow as humanly possible, I turn my head and look to my side. Next to me, Gavin lies asleep. His face relaxed and flaunting the soft yet masculine lines of his face. I take this quiet moment, the one where he isn’t studying my every observation or movement, and absorb all the parts of him I have missed over the years.
With my eyes, I trace the thick curves of his brow. Drift down and get lost in the feather of his long, dark lashes. Follow the line and curve of his nose to the philtrum above his upper lip, the small indentation masked by a day’s worth of dark stubble. Stubble I want against my soft skin. And then resting on his full pink lips.
Seconds become minutes and I can’t seem to locate the strength to look away from his mouth. My own mouth waters at the sight, the temptation to lean forward and wake him with my lips pressed against his grows with every beat of my heart. But as much as I want this man—this beautiful and enigmatic man—part of me screams to keep my heart protected. Memories flash in my head like old photographs, providing me with glimpses of the past and how I crumbled when he left. How impossible it was to breathe without him here.
With every cell inside my body, I want to believe what he tells me. That he is moving back. That he has never stopped thinking of me or us or the future we always wanted. And that his only desire is to be with me again. Believing those words, those sentiments, is all I have longed for with him. All I need. I want to breathe again.
But listening to your heart and protecting it don’t always go hand in hand. They are two different plates on the scale and weighed separately. And I need to make a choice on which matters most. Giving in to what my heart desires or shielding my heart from future pain.
“Good morning, baby,” Gavin rasps, my body jumping at the sound.
My eyes bolt to his as if I have been caught doing something forbidden. The top length of his dark hair sits partially on the pillow and his forehead. I gaze into his steely-gray eyes, the irises a thin outline of his dilated pupils—which are immersed in me. His fixation on me is possessive and powerful. And as captivated as I am, I am also fearful and nervous.
What if we do this and we find out we are not who we used to be?
What if the affection is one-sided? Or too lopsided to make things work?
What if he moves back and it negatively impacts his career—or both of ours—and he resents me? Can we continue a happy and healthy relationship in that instance?
What if we get back together and everything is perfect?
I allow the last question to tumble through my thought processes for a moment. Allow myself to believe that us coming back together is nothing short of amazing and perfect. Allow myself to believe this is our chance at a happily ever after. One can only hope we are fortunate enough for life to ebb and flow with ease and bliss.
“I can practically hear the cogs in your head cranking. What could require so much thought this early in the morning?” Gavin’s eyes bore into mine, a lighthearted act meant to bring my thoughts to life.
“It is early.” Closing the gap between us, I give him a chaste kiss before continuing. “And way too early for in-depth conversations. Maybe after we have some coffee and breakfast.”
His fingertips trail along my cheekbone, tracing to my ear and leaving a current in its wake as he tucks my hair behind my ear. “Breakfast sounds fantastic. Here or out?”
“I think I have everything needed here, so let’s stay in. Plus, I think Luna is upset with me and the lack of attention I’ve been giving her over the last week. She needs a little mom time and affection.”
Gavin groans as he closes his eyes, his arm drawing me in closer to his warm body. He caresses the tip of his nose over the flesh of my collarbone, skimming up the front of my throat and inhaling deep below my ear. When he speaks, his words reverberate from his chest to mine and dampen my panties.
“Mmm, I can understand the need for time and affection. If I purr and rub on your leg, will I get something in exchange?”
My breath hitches as intensity and hunger bloom between my legs. As much as I want to play-shove him, I ache to bring him impossibly closer. To tear off the remaining clothes on our bodies and rememorize every freckle and scar and curvature that has changed over the years.
But I am not ready for us to take that step yet. At least that is what I keep telling myself. Maybe if I repeat it enough times, I will believe it.
“You know you’re making it really difficult to leave this bed,” I whine.
“Maybe we can have a different form of breakfast,” he coaxes.
