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She peers over her shoulder, tears trailing down her cheeks, and makes a beeline for the exit. Just as she makes it to the door, I catch up to her and grab hold of her arm. As badly as I want to haul her into me, to wrap my arms around her and pin her to my chest, I stop myself. Now is not the time. Although I won’t let her leave without a fight, I won’t be the man who doesn’t give her a choice. After everything we have endured, she deserves to choose what happens next.
“Let me go, Gavin,” she spits out as she tries to yank her arm from my grasp.
“No, baby. Please, let’s talk about this,” I beg. “Please let me explain everything. I wasn’t intentionally keeping this from you. And, like I said, it’s not real.”
Her soft, sad bloodshot eyes stare up at me, pleading with me to let her go as nonstop tears spill down her cheeks.
This pain, her pain… what she is experiencing in this very moment. If it is even remotely close to what she felt when I left thirteen years ago, I hate myself. I hate myself for doing this to her. For letting her experience such heartbreaking emotions. Again. No one should have to undergo this form of torture—once, let alone twice.
“Please, Gavin,” she mumbles, her eyes darting around the room. Embarrassment creases her brow as she squeezes her eyes shut. “Please just let me go.” When she opens her eyes, a new emotion paints her expression. Disparity and numbness. An emptiness that has me stumbling back, physically and mentally. “Can’t you see?”
See what? That I have inflicted the worst pain on the sole person I live and breathe for. Yes, I see it. I hate that I see it. But something twists in my gut and stabs at my heart. And I have a feeling her words have an ulterior meaning. Definition unbeknownst to me.
“See what, baby?” I ask, terrified to know the answer. Terrified of what she will say next.
I ache to touch her. Yearn to embrace her and pepper kisses on her hair, her temples, her forehead. But I fear the worst. That she will pull away. Reject me. And her rejection would sting worse than any words. So, I keep my hands at my sides and imagine all the ways I wish to right my wrongs.
“Isn’t it obvious?” she asks, not waiting for me to answer before she continues. “It’s like the universe is trying to tell us something.”
Cocking my head, I narrow my eyes in confusion. Is she suggesting what I think she is? That we don’t belong together. That as much as we love each other, we aren’t meant to have each other.
How could something so perfect not be meant to exist?
The universe isn’t trying to tell us shit. And if for some nonsensical reason she believes fate is telling us we don’t belong together; I will grab fate by the balls until it comprehends the truth. That Cora and I belong together. Always have and always will.
And until I fix this, nothing else matters.
“Baby, I have no idea what you’re thinking, but it better not be anything along the lines that we aren’t meant to be together. Because that’s bullshit and you know it.”
Cora turns away from me and walks out the exit with me hot on her heels. Her pace picks up and I jog to keep up with her. She darts past the valet and heads for the lot where she parked her car.
I will not suffocate her. She needs time to mull things over. But she has to know things between us won’t get better if we don’t discuss them. She needs to hear the whole story.
When she reaches her car, her hands dive in her purse and shove stuff left to right as she searches for her keys. She pulls out the fob and unlocks her car as I jog up to her.
“Baby, please don’t leave. Let’s go back up to my room a
nd talk about this.” We need to talk, that is the only way to resolve this.
“No, Gavin. As much as I want this, as much as I want us to be together, it feels like the world is against us. And I can’t do it. I can’t fight anymore. I fought for so many years. Cried a million tears until my eyes couldn’t do it anymore. And it’s happening all over again. My heart fell in love with you all over again and I let it. Stupid, stupid girl. As soon as I allowed myself to be vulnerable, I got crushed. I feel like the earth is swallowing me whole, like it’s clawing at my insides and eating me alive. And I can’t deal with it. Can’t deal with you. Not now.”
Her words paralyze me. Make my limbs numb and my heart hollow. Pain spills out of her and infiltrates me like liquid poison. Slithers in my veins and takes up residence. And it doesn’t just hurt. It kills.
The first time we were separated, it was against what I wanted. Against what either of us wanted. But I had no say or power to stop my parents from moving us across the country for my mom’s promotion. Although I was older, I was still just a child.
Now, I may no longer be a child, but I inflict her with the same heartache and torture. Except this time around, our emotional state has evolved. We understand love and hope and pain and anguish. We grasp fear and hopelessness and sorrow and dejection. And in the blink of an hour, I have given all of them to her.
I have never hated myself as much as I do right now.
I step into her, a tear slipping down my cheek as she steps back and bumps into her car. But I ignore her retreat and reach up, framing her face in my hands. This will not be the last time I see her; I won’t let it be. This is not how our story ends.
“I fucked up, and I’m so sorry. So, so sorry. But I will fix this. I swear to you, I will fix this. And when I do, I’m coming back for you. You can count on it. Because, Cora” —I pause, pinching my eyes shut— “you and I belong together. No matter what obstacles come at us, we belong together. I love you. And I will always love you. Until my last breath. Until my dying day.”
I lean down, press my lips to hers and kiss her softly. Our tears blend at our joined lips and I don’t know which are hers and which are mine. When I break the kiss, I lick our tears from my lips and step away. She stares at me a second as hundreds of thoughts invade her mind. Then she rushes to get in her car, starts the engine and drives away.
Away from me. Away from us.
I will give her time, but I won’t go down without a fight. Not this time. Never again.
